A prayer from The Dalai Lama

May I become at all times, both now and forever

A protector for those without protection

A guide for those who have lost their way

A ship for those with oceans to cross

A bridge for those with rivers to cross

A sanctuary for those in danger

A lamp for those without light

A place of refuge for those who lack shelter

And a servant to all in need.

YES YES YES!!!

This quote truly resonates with me and puts what I believe to be spirituality in such eloquent words:

"This, then, is my true religion, my simple faith. In this sense, there is no need for temple or church, for mosque or synagogue, no need for complicated philosophy, doctrine, or dogma. Our own heart, our own mind, is the temple. The doctrine is compassion. Love for others and respect for their rights and dignity, no matter who or what they are: ultimately these are all we need. So long as we practice these in our daily lives, then no matter if we are learned or unlearned, whether we believe in Buddha or God, or follow some other religion or none at all, as long as we have compassion for others and conduct ourselves with restraint out of a sense of responsibility, there is no doubt we will be happy."

Said by His Holiness The Dalai Lama 

x

Dedicated to my budding yogi's!

So after almost 2 months off writing I am feeling the urge to get back into it so here goes!

This post is dedicated to the wonderful women who have blessed me and humbled me by trusting me enough to open their hearts and minds by joining my class!

We are 6 weeks in with 4 weeks to go (and a special charity add on as an eleventh class but more on that another time!) and I have learnt so much. I have put my girls through their paces, some of the things we have covered are: Meditation using all different techniques, chakra healing, chanting, intuitive readings using tarot and oracle cards, self love exercises, gratitude journalling, restorative yoga and last but not least sharing our challenges and lessons with each other every week. They have opened up to each other and I can only watch in amazement at the love and support that is shown every week.

Reflecting on this list I realise that I have really put them through their paces but they have met all of this with grace and fearlessness. Most of my women are beginners and to go with all that has been presented to them without resistance shows immense bravery and growth. I couldn't be prouder. They just dove in not really knowing what they had gotten themselves in to and trusted me to guide. I feel so blessed and humbled that they chose me to be their teacher.

I have learnt so much. I have learnt that I am quite hard on myself, that I really don't need to deliver a full on life altering class every time and that in fact my attachment to this is actually getting in the way of me being in the flow and channelling the messages I want to pass on. I am a natural teacher, speaking in front of people about things that resonate with me deeply is something I am comfortable with and I feel I can communicate freely and clearly. I thought people would be a bit freaked out by chanting (turns out they love it) and I was ok with singing out loud in front of others. I have learnt that this is just the beginning and I can't wait to continue and teach more and more.

My hope for what my girls will get out of this class continues to be the same. That they will find that peaceful place within, even if it is just a glimpse and that this carries on into their lives creating positive change and growth for them. That it sparks the light within them so they carry on their journey of finding the sacred within. I also hope this for the greater good, so that there may be some more people out there who can add to the collective consciousness that is needed to bring the world to a higher level of love, joy and peace!!!

Love to you little yogi's, you know who you are xox

Even the bad times are good

I know, I know I bang on a lot about gratitude and how important it is but the lessons of gratitude just keep unfolding in my life and I just had to share my latest one.

So last night we went to a party for one of my oldest and closest girlfriends birthday. On our way home the babysitter sms'd us to let us know that Eddie had woken up and would not resettle. We got back to find him wide awake not even close to tired and bouncing off the walls.

My inner whingy pants and worry wart started up. What's wrong with him? Why is he awake this late? Is he teething? Is he having nightmares? Why is he so awake? Oh I am going to be so bloody exhausted in the morning. Why does this always seem to happen when I want to have some fun? So tired......... On and on it went.

As I lay in bed whilst my darling hubby was trying to settle the boy I had an epiphany. If being tired is my biggest problem then I am so dam lucky, if this is as hard as it gets well I am truly blessed. A wave of gratitude just washed over me and I felt so much happiness and love for the life that I am privileged to be living. I am tired because my son is healthy and happy and not because he is unwell. I am lying awake not because I have worries about where my next meal is going to come from or whether I can afford to buy my son nappies, or whether my house may get bombed tonight or not, I am lying awake with trivial worries of when my baby is finally going to fall asleep. And that my friends is exactly why my stressings are really blessings.

I had further confirmation of this thought today when having a lunch in the park when my friend said "even the bad times are good;" Even the bad times are good such a simple profound statement which tells us that we are privileged to be alive, we are blessed to be part of this crazy thing called life and yes it may not be ideal but it is still good.

So I ask again, take a moment to realise that even the things you complain about are actually a blessing. I'm not saying that you aren't human, of course you will still feel pain and suffering as this is as much a part of life as happiness and peace but if you can take a moment in the middle of that pain where you realise that you are actually very lucky it will dissipate very quickly as it did for me last night.

Love and blessings to all
L xox

My upcoming course!!

Finding the sacred within

10 week meditation and spirituality course

PEACE

it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work

it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

Author unknown

Starts 8th of October 2012

Where: Juma Yoga

9 Windmill St

Tarragindi

Time: 7:30-9pm Monday night

Cost: $180 for 10 week course or $20 casual rate

Contact: Lucy Slater

lucyslater11@gmail.com

or 0407 908 125

https://www.facebook.com/yogimama11

Been a while

Gosh I know its been quite some time since I have written and you will soon see why!

So here I go time to update you on my life!

The house:
So after a few months, NO offers (that's right not even one ridiculously low offer), a crazy roller coaster of emotions and some price drops we have taken the house off the market. Trying to sell the house was one of the most taxing things I have ever been through. For any readers out there who have small children and try to keep their house in some kind of a tidy state you will know what I am talking about. However fighting the up hill battle with a toddler to keep the house clean was only part of why this was so challenging. 

It was one crazy learning curve about practicing non attachment. I was actively trying to let go of this house as well as the expectation to sell as being attached to any outcome what so ever just caused me too much pain. The build up to the open home on a Saturday, the cleaning, the mental preparation and then the disappointment was exhausting. I learnt yet again that you can have plans for your life but they often don't turn out the way you envisage, the divine almost always has other ideas for us. I learnt yet again to continuously and actively let go.

I learnt about feeling gratitude for things that I previously thought of as a burden. Suddenly I started to see this house in a different light. I realised that if no one else wanted this place that I actually really did want it and that it is their loss and my gain that I get to stay here. The mortgage which previously felt like a curse I can now see is a blessing. I am extremely lucky that I can even gain access to this kind of money, to be allowed the privilege of having a place I can call mine, a feeling of security that I have never had before. To learn the lesson (albeit hard) that we can make it and pay this thing off and we are worthy of making a profit one day, just not now.

Me:
I continue to practice meditation and yoga and I am very proud of myself for keeping this up through chaotic times. In the past self care was generally the first thing that went out the window in times of stress, but this time I realised that in these times we actually need it the most so instead of letting it go I prioritised it. For this reason I believe I didn't fall into a dark hole like I may of in the past. I processed things much quicker and even though I experienced pain I felt it, acknowledged it, and let it go. Yay me!

I am also teaching a meditation and spirituality course starting on the 8th of October. My aim for this course is to help others find that quiet space within, to uncover the place in all of us that contains pure, unending amounts of joy, love and peace. I cannot wait to show others their own potential and I am honoured to have 3 people signed up already! We are going to learn so much about ourselves and bond as a group. It is such an exciting time for me.

So I have been busy but thriving and it feels damn good to be writing again. Missed you guys!

Love to all
L xx

On Marriage

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.


Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.


Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Kahlil Gibran

Quiet as a mouse

Gorgeous souls! I  just wanted to give you a quick update and let you know why I have been so quiet. We are in the process of selling our house as some of you already know and its really taking up my whole life in all three aspects, physically, mentally and spiritually. Keeping a house immaculate for open homes whilst you have a 14 month old is a challenge in itself. Then there is the feeling of having strangers trawling through your house picking it apart. Finally the underlying tension that resides in your belly from waiting for an outcome which effects your everyday life. 

I have to say it has also affected my relationship with C. We seem to be snapping at each other more and not really connecting as much as we usually would because there is a big fat pink elephant in the room. To say I'm tired is an understatement. It's nothing I can't handle but it is pushing me. 

I will probably stay pretty quiet until the house sells. It feels right now like there is a lot of trapped energy which will finally be released when we sell and then my inspiration will flow again. I hope it happens sooner rather then later as I miss being in that head space. I really miss tuning in to my yogimama alter ego and letting the love flow but I never want to force that side of me as it needs to come from a place of purity. Hope all is well in everyone's world. 

This week

Things that have inspired me this week:

Yoga session where I had many realisations, including the understanding of how can I ask my students to practice non violence when I am not practicing it myself? and the realisation that I am a completely different person now on the mat to what I was pre baby. I am not as strong physically but my metal state is so much healthier. I feel like I am now 'getting' it more often and that my practice previously was more ego based then I realised at the time. I also realised that I will never be obsessed with the physical form of yoga while I love how it makes me feel and know that it is critical for my wellbeing I will always be into the higher forms of yoga such as self inquiry, growth and the path to enlightenment.  

As always watching my boy grow and change. Particularly all the walking he is now doing. My heart swells with pride when I see my darling walking around and when he falls picking himself back up again and starting all over. New words that he masters as well fill me with joy. Lately his favourites are 'Daddy' and 'Bye Bye.'

Meditation practice. Getting back into it has been wonderful. I am realising after a long break that I am just happier when I have a regular practice. My moods are regulated and I am more likely to experience love, joy and peace. 

Friends; been getting back into a social life and truly enjoying the warmth and connection I feel from those in my life. I have attracted these people into my life for a reason, they resonate with me on a soul level and it feels good to reconnect. Blossoming new friendships are also inspiring me as they change my take on things and give me an alternate view.   

Believing in what I say

The other day on a walk with a friend I referred to my spiritual practice and beliefs as drivel! Thankfully she pulled me up on it and told me its not. Later upon reflection of this conversation I realised that I am self conscious of what I believe in. It seems a very different thing to sit passively in front of a computer screen typing up my learnings to saying them out loud. When I write things it is to an invisible audience, I don't really get much feedback except seeing the numbers of people reading my posts and the occasional comment so I feel much safer and able to reach out of my comfort zone. Certainly blogging has been an incredible stepping stone for me to start voicing what I believe in but the conversation the other day has indicated to me that I need to start believeing in myself some more and to be brave and take the plunge and say it out loud to a real human who can talk back to me in verbal and non verbal ways.

I have been mulling over why I feel self conscious and I think its because a lot of what I teach is left of field. I know it resonates with people from the feedback I have received but I also know it doesn't resonate with everyone and I guess I am scared of what others might think! This is a new feeling for me I am not usually one to hold back on my viewpoint, I am content most of the time to say you can love me or leave me but yogimama is different. Yogimama is not just a blog or a group of people, it is my heart, it is my soul and it reflects some of the deepest parts of my being. I am protective of it because it is fragile, there is a reason this stuff is deep and that is because i care about it a lot.

I do realise though that in order to take my teachings and self discovery to the next level i need to break out of the comfort zone, I need to be brave and shout out what I am passionate about to the world, I need to throw caution to the wind and leap. I need to be brave. Eep! So wish me luck fellow travellers and stay tuned for the next level. I hope you will join me. I will leave you with a Mark Twain quote which is very appropriate for this situation:

Kahil Gibran on children

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Kahlil Gibran (1883 - 1931)

Buddhist prayer

By the power and truth of this practice:
May all beings have happiness and the cause of happiness
May all beings be free from sorrow and the causes of sorrow
May all never be separated from the sacred happiness which is sorrow less
And may all live in equanimity with out too much attachment and too much aversion
And live believing in the equality of all that lives.

-The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

My vision board

The vision board exercise was great fun, I felt so peaceful consolidating all my hopes, dreams and inspiration in one spot. There are two schools of thought when it comes to vision boards, you either put it somewhere obvious so you will look at it every day or you just get rid of it, release it into the hands of the gods. I was contemplating what to do with mine when of course the universe made the decision for me...................

I had left it out over night on our front verandah. That night while hubby and I were sleeping we were woken by a noise out the front of the house hubby said it was just a possum and we went back to sleep. The next day I went out to check my vision board and lo and behold the possum had weed on it!! I didn't know what to feel! I had poured my heart and soul into this thing and now an animal had peed on it. HA! About 5 minutes after this discovery I started to laugh about it I felt like it was a message to tell me not to take myself too seriously and also realised the decision had been made. Clearly the vision board needed to be released. I decided on a burning ceremony. Following are photos documenting it all! First one is the vision board complete with possum pee and then photos of it being burnt.

  


Love to you all
L xox 

Drained

Just a quick post to let everyone know why i have been so quiet. My little man has been sick and/or teething for two and a half weeks now and he's not really getting any better so I am utterly drained and honestly have nothing left in me to write!

One thing I am excited about is teaching yoga. Today I start my first one on one lesson with a very special woman in my life. I am honoured to be given the opportunity to teach another and can't wait to take this journey with her. Wish me luck and in the spirit of getting back into things........................

Namaste xox 

My top 5 values

So as you know I am completing the self care course and the past 3 days have been about our own unique set of values. It took me a bit of mulling over and thinking about but i finally narrowed it down to my top 5 which are:

1. Inner Peace
2. Gratitude
3. Intuition
4. Positivity
5. Contentment

The way we worked it out was to look at what we would like to work on the most in our lives. When I read this list it feels warm and fuzzy so I know I'm on the right path. Next up we are starting our personal vision board. I cannot wait for this exercise I have always wanted to do one. I have decided to do it old school on a pin board. Now to go and rustle up some images which inspire me. Pumped!

L xox

Guilt

Guilt seems to be coming up  lot in conversations I have had of late and it got me thinking. I believe I have touched on mother guilt before but it is not an emotion which solely effects mothers. My friend said to me when she feels guilty she feels like she will do anything to get away from it and indeed it is a very uncomfortable feeling. Unfortunately though it exists in our head so to run away from it is a pointless exercise as it will remain and all you have done is push it further within where it will fester and build and come out at a later time. Guilt is cumulative so when you don't acknowledge and clear it it continues to build up. Think of it like plaque build up on your teeth. You need to clean your teeth to remove plaque build up same goes for guilt build up in your mind.

I believe that guilt is a wasted emotion and wasted energy. Its like one of my favourite sayings: "not forgiving is like taking poison expecting the other person to die" just like not forgiving the only thing guilt is harming is yourself and how does that help? It is a negative feeling eating away at you and it really is not a positive experience. The only thing its kind of good for really is to learn something about yourself. It can be a great way to look inside yourself and figure out why you feel guilt about certain things. This way you turn the guilt into something constructive. If you can find the root cause of your guilt you will be able to cleanse yourself from it.

Why do we have so much guilt? Well I believe it is because we expect too much of ourselves. Which is why I think mothers in particular suffer from excessive amount of the guilts. We expect that we can, take care of our kids, keep our house immaculate, go to work to pay for the overpriced house, have a social life, sex life and look good all at the same time. When we don't fulfil all these expectations we feel guilty about something or someone missing out (including ourselves.)

This is also where perfectionism plays a role. Not only do we expect all these things of ourselves but we expect them to be done in a perfect way. Bloody hell I am actually tired just writing all of this down!

Drop the expectations and be kind to yourself. Know that you are doing the best you possibly can each and every moment of everyday and that is enough. You don't need to do anymore than that because just being here means you are special. Live your best life but know that if you mess up or have a bad day/week/month/year that is ok too. If this isn't enough to get rid of the guilt try this yoga pose out to clear that guilt build up.      

If this feels ok release your hands to make it slightly more challenging. To make it harder again slowly straighten your legs but keep your back straight! Every time you feel guilt practice this pose. Think of it as a tool you can call upon anytime to empower you to not feel guilty. 

Sending calm to you all

L xox  

I think I need rehab

24 hours I lasted 24 measly hours away from what I am now referring to as Crackbook! I could give you my excuses and say that I needed to contact a person that I didn't have a phone number for but really I just really missed it! It's such an efficient way to get answers, as a mum many of my connections are through Facebook and I missed my yogimama group which I pour my heart into. So I'm going to make peace with my addiction and know that for the moment it is obviously something I need in my life.

Again I will learn to go with the flow and accept me for me.

Now off to share this on Crackbook ha ha ha.

L xox

Self care plan update

Soooooooo almost halfway into my self care plan course and I have learnt a lot. Here's a summary of what we have been through so far:

Listening to our inner voice telling us what is right and not listening to what external voices or society tells us

Learning to read the signs of what happens when we don't have self care in our lives and how that compares to when we do

Different types of self care: what makes you feel incredible is unique to you and will be entirely different to those around you.

Self love what that looks and feels like

Self compassion what that looks and feels like

The barriers (internal and external) that are getting in the way of practicing self care, self love and self compassion.

Phew! I have felt entirely comfortable with all of it (even blissful) until the last couple of emails which have been about barriers. I have learnt that I am not very good at asking for help it makes me feel squirmy (a technical term.) I have also learnt that I am no where near ready to leave E in care with someone else besides hubby and other family, I understand that this is not a must do when it comes to self care but its something I have figured out. I am now having to take a look at my life and figure out what can be shuffled. I know I need self care especially at the moment as I have not really been enjoying my day to day life but I'm finding it difficult to let go.

I feel such an emotional tug of war. I know when I am practicing self care I feel much more peaceful and content. I have more patience for those around me and have more love to give. So really on an intellectual level I know it benefits everyone when I take care of myself but I have this overriding desire to be there for everything I don't like feeling like I'm missing out. Which leads me to my next dilemna.

A friend recently brought up a term FOMO (fear of missing out) in regard to Facebook, it was said as a joke but it got me thinking. I check Facebook incessantly I feel like its my window to the outside world some days and I always want to see what's happened even if its only been an hour since I last checked (ok half an hour.) I do use Facebook in a positive way. I share inspirational quotes and this blog and try to use it to make the world a better place but is it a waste of time? It does stop me from living in the moment a lot and I have noticed that if I am having a particularly challenging day I check Facebook even more as if I am trying to escape what  going on around me. If I didn't have it what would I do instead? Maybe I would have more time to practice self care if I stopped Facebooking.

What to do? I think I will deactivate my account (yep I just hyperventilated a bit) and will blog about how things have changed since doing it and how it makes me feel. I will look at it as an experiment. How many days? Mmmmmmmm I don't feel like I could even make one day so lets make it 21 days. I have heard that it takes 21 days to establish a new habit so hopefully I can make it. I literally feel so anxious even writing this wow I am addicted!. How will people contact me? How will I know about upcoming social events? OMG so scared but that is exactly why I need to at least try. Not healthy to have something have such a hold on me.

OK I'm going to write my last status update for 21 days letting everyone know what's happening and then deactivate.

See you soon
L xox

Life for sale!

Our house is finally on the market. How does this make me feel? Well a whole lot of mixed emotions really.

This is the house that took care of me while I was pregnant, the house that I brought home my tiny newborn son to. Our first house that we purchased and the house we have poured blood, sweat and tears into. It has witnessed laughter, love, anger, tears, joy, despair. We have cooked many a delicious meal in this house and drunk infinite glasses of tasty wine under its roof. We have added to it subtracted from it and I hope improved its worth. I love this house for all these reasons and more.

I am a homebody. Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm a bit of a hermit. Home is my sanctuary, it is where my comfort lies. I can be totally myself at home, stripped back to who I really am at heart. I can contemplate my feelings, nourish my soul, watch my relationships grow all from the comfort of my own home.

I feel a bit sad to let all of this go but also excited for the next chapter. I know we have made the right decision for our future. No longer will we have the debilitating mortgage hanging over our heads we will be free to live our lives closer to how we want it to be. I think nowadays the housing market is a joke. The price to live in your own home is exorbitant and first home buyers often get trapped in a downward spiral, paying off their house and never quite getting ahead. I'm not one for regrets but if we could do it all over again we would have done it differently. Instead of jumping in to buy a house when we could only scrape in we would save our money instead and wait till we had closer to a 50% deposit.

Chris and I since making some financial mistakes have listened to and started following the advice of Dr John DeMartini. How Can I Accumulate More Money? is a great article to read if you are interested. His whole philosophy works on the idea that it doesn't matter how much money you earn its all about how you manage it. Since following his advice we have completely changed the way we manage our funds and I know once we start again we will be on the road to financial success.

So if you don't hear much from me over the next few weeks you'll know why. I am absolutely exhausted after running around getting the house ready for our open home but it will all be worth it in the end.

Sending love
L xox

Missing mojo

Lately I have really lost my spark. I just feel so fatigued and drained and I am struggling to stay positive in my daily life. Not sure what happened its like E got to the 12 month mark and I have suddenly hit the wall. I feel like I have been investing all my time and energy into this little person and while I understand bringing up a human being is of utmost importance I also feel like I have made the mistake of not leaving any room for my wants and needs. And because it has been a while since I have been living for me I feel like I have forgotten how to even go about getting what I want out of life.

One of the things I find most difficult about doing things for myself again is figuring out new ways to do this. I don't have hours on end to contemplate, process and act on what I want. As a result everything is in a bit of chaos. I don't have goals like I used to,  for example when I worked the aim was to make money and get through the day without wanting to kill someone (I worked with extremely sleep deprived difficult people ;-)) Then on the weekend my aim was to let loose and have fun. I also had aspirations with my fitness and got to the point where I was working out daily. Last but not least I had aim when it came to my spirituality I knew that I was working towards becoming a more peaceful, grounded version of me.

In walks my old friend perfectionism, because I have a desire to do things a certain way and I have this certain set way figured out in my mind, instead of trying to do a little bit of what I want or figuring out another way I throw my hands up in the air and think "well if I can't do it properly then I won't bother doing it at all." I feel stuck in this old mindset and right now I can't see a way out of it. The way I have done things for as long as I can remember is such a deep rooted habit that needs to be broken.

I am fast realising that if I don't figure out a new way to balance my life then this dark hole I am dancing around is going to swallow me right up. Problem is right now it feels like to get in some decent me time as well as look after E I have to go hard and become insanely busy and becoming insanely busy is just as bad for me.  

So what to do? Anyone got any ideas? What did other Mum's do? I need some inspiration to get me going and I need to rebuild the way I do things. 

30 Day Self Care Blueprint

30 Day Self Care Blueprint
I have just signed up to start this 30 day online course to define my needs and learn to care for myself a bit more. Very excited!

Inspiration

"This is the century you want to be born in. I know that some of you would have liked the chance to see Jimi Hendrix or John Coltrane in their element, but this is the century where mankind actually gets it together, or it doesn't. And young people can be the ones to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. Its worth educating yourself, travelling as much as possible and questioning everything all the time. Young people should be radically curious. The world is a wonderful place full of awesome, friendly people. The only mistake you will make is to be afraid of it." Henry Rollins, taken from Frankie magazine issue 46, Mar/Apr 2012

A letter to my son the night before he turns one

My beautiful boy how did this year go so fast? It feels like only yesterday when I first met you. Everyone told me it would go quickly but I didn't really believe them until now. Now I wish I could go back for one more sleepy newborn snuggle, one more breastfeed where your eyes are closed and you are dreaming of milk, one more time where you would fall asleep on my chest.

Gone are the days of long snuggles on the couch. Now you try to jump out of my arms to explore the world. You are so full of joy and life so innocent and loving and you are the most precious thing in the world to me.

I am excited about what is to come I can't wait to watch you grow. To hear you speak a sentence, to take your first steps and to be a big brother (one day) and all the thousands of other moments we will share.

Thank you for keeping me grounded, bringing me endless amounts of happiness, teaching me to let go, be strong yet flexible, and most of all reminding me everyday to live in the moment.

You show me what life is truly about and provide me with a deeper meaning and truth to everyday life. Gratitude fills me to the brim because you are in my life. I love you little man with all my heart, body and soul.

Happy birthday
Love Mum mum

Seven excuses mums like to use for putting themselves last (and a few retorts).

Seven excuses mums like to use for putting themselves last (and a few retorts).

This week I am re blogging from another site as recently I realised I have been using many of these excuses to not get things moving for my own reasons. I have put off my aspirations and am now starting to feel a niggle to do things for me a bit more. Enjoy.

L xox

Fabulous to the very end

Again my family has been rocked by sad news. In the midst of a happy occasion we were told that Sunshine Granny had passed away. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I have never had news given to me that felt so sudden and shocking. I felt like we had no warning and I wish I could have said goodbye. Instead I'm going to write down my goodbye and know that Dawnie will hear it wherever she is.

What I know about Dawnie is probably not as much as others but this is what I do know:

I know she adored fashion she was always immaculately dressed whenever we saw her. Even when it was a casual lunch Dawnie was dressed to the nines. She would have furs on if it was the slightest bit cold, always had on something bright and cheerful and of course the jewels. Never have I seen so many beautiful rings, necklaces, bracelets, earrings and shiny trinkets and you would be guaranteed Dawnie would have as many on as she could. Her hair was always done and her make up perfect. I always felt special because she would get so dressed up to see us.

She loved her puppies. Her beloved Benji and Belle two Maltese pups. They weren't exactly the most disciplined of dogs and they certainly ruled the roost but she told me many a time that they were her babies and she didn't know what she would do without them. They slept with her every night snuggled up and were her constant companions. They were such a positive thing for her.

She loved my son as well. She was always so excited to see him. Clapping and laughing and bringing him gifts. Exclaiming how beautiful he is. She was the same with all her great grandchildren and any baby that came across her path. She delighted in everything that they do and had many stories of when she was a young mother in Papua New Guinea.

The woman was an incredible cook so many delightful treats were shared around Dawnie's table and she loved to feed you. She always had a satisfied look on her face when others were eating her food. Her cakes and cookies were divine and I was envious of how she was such a natural.

She was so many things to so many people, she was kind and generous and she loved life. I will never forget the twinkle she had in her eye, especially when out of the blue she would say something cheeky.

She told me many times that she needed to hang on and stay alive so she could see the babies (her great grandchildren) grow up. I know you wont get to be on earth to see them grow, but hope you can see them wherever you are Dawn. We will miss you very much, you were a very special person with a big heart, you were always thinking of others. Rest peacefully and know that you will remain forever in our hearts.

Love, Lucy, Chris and Edward x 

How to develop courage

• Say one thing about yourself or express one genuine opinion every day.
• Next time you catch up with a friend, tell him or her about a challenge you're dealing with in your life. 
• Practice looking people in the eye when you speak to them.
• When you make a mistake own up, apologise.
• Ask someone for what you need or ask for help instead of forging on by yourself. 
• If you meet someone you enjoy being with, be the one to ask them for a coffee instead of waiting for them to ask.
• Get out of your comfort zone and try new activities through which you meet new people.
• Offer to take up a challenging project at work that stretches your skill level. 

5 ways to cultivate compassion

1. Be kind to yourself. Start and finish the day gently. Give yourself this gift every day.

2. At the end of each day, have some quiet time during which you dwell on what you've done well that day.

3. When you make a mistake stop your critical voice and remind yourself that its ok, you don't need to be perfect.

4. Do one self nurturing thing every week (every day is even better.) It might be a massage, a bath,  wearing a favourite outfit, or cooking a lovely meal.

5. When you look in the mirror, really look. Acknowledge the vulnerable yet beautiful person looking back at you. 

The power of vulnerabilty

Just read the most amazing article about vulnerability in our every day lives and how crucial it is to move us closer to our authentic self. Being vulnerable is the key to true connection with a fellow human being, by exposing your perceived imperfections you allow love to flow. You open yourself up to someone else and show them everything, the good, the bad and the ugly and guess what happens? The other person opens up in return and there you have it genuine connection! Such a powerful tool.

We have a dilemma inside of us which is why vulnerability feels so uncomfortable. Many of us feel embarrassed or ashamed of our perceived imperfections, we want to hide them but to have connection with another person we need to be vulnerable so we have an internal too and fro. People cope with this dilemma in many ways, firstly they become perfectionists. By being a perfectionist we control every last detail of our lives and therefore we believe we are controlling others perceptions of ourselves. If we have everything 'just so' then others will see us a certain way. This is an exhausting approach to maintain. You can see how this puts up huge barriers around you and others don't feel they can get the sense of who you really are behind all that perfection.

The second method is to blame others for having faults, then we become involved in helping others with these faults. We immerse ourselves in others issues and give our time and energy to these issues thereby avoiding facing our own internal conflict. You can spend a lot of time being involved in others problems and not your own.

The third and most common strategy people use is to numb their vulnerability. We eat, drink, medicate, work, spend, shop and entertain ourselves all in the name of avoiding those uncomfortable feelings. As the article points out, "we are the most in debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in US history" and the same goes for Australia. Problem with this is that you cannot selectively numb and you effectively end up numbing all your emotions including the pleasant ones. On a personal note I can say if I am having a challenging day I find myself wanting to engage in a lot of these activities, shopping being my weapon of choice. However I find no matter how hard I try to avoid them, the uncomfortable emotions come out one way or another so I am slowly learning to process them rather than run from them.

So what can we do to cultivate vulnerability? There are three particular personal qualities that can be encouraged to allow our vulnerability to shine and invite the human connection we crave. Courage, compassion and authenticity.

Courage means to accept ourselves as we are and be willing to be imperfect. Then we need to take this further and show our imperfections to the world. We don't hide. We keep taking the risks to step forward into friendship, family and intimacy. To have love and belonging you have to feel worthy of it.

To encourage feeling worthy we need to develop the second quality, compassion. Compassion not just to others but first and foremost to yourself. This starts with the littlest of things; is the voice in your head kind to you or are you letting it get away with being a tyrant? Do you take time out to listen to yourself and how you feel or are you just relentlessly pushing yourself? Once you practice self compassion it opens the gateway to living in the moment. It frees you from the exhausting task of constantly living in denial and allows you to just be. As a Mum I think we are so caught up in the well being of others we sometimes forget about the most important person, but we do our whole family a favour when we are compassionate to ourselves because we all know when Mum falls apart everything falls apart it is crucial to be kind to yourself.  

The last quality to cultivate is authenticity. Letting go of the person you try to be and just being who you really are- warts and all. How liberating is that? Here is where vulnerability becomes powerful, once you show your true self to others they cannot help but to love and respect you and feel a deep connection towards you. Revealing your true self can be scary and uncomfortable but like all things in life once you move through these hurdles the rewards are endless.

Enjoy the adventure of being vulnerable, experiment with it and see how it makes you feel and how it changes the dynamic of your relationships, new and old. It feels a bit weird at first but I promise its worth it, trust me I reveal my vulnerability nearly every week in this blog and it has been incredibly rewarding!

With love
L xox  

Reason #267 of why I love Chiropractic

The last few days this story has been nagging at me and begging to be told so I was compelled to sit down this morning and write it. As most stories that involve babies do it does contain a little bit of poop talk but not much I promise!

So Eddie's poo's had changed colour and consistency and this had been going on for a few weeks, I thought it was just teething but clearly after some time realised it was not. Then he started to get more and more agitated and stopped sleeping longer than 3 hours at a time during the evening and no longer than 40 minutes during the day. After 6 nights of this I was at my wits end so took him in to see Chris's colleague as Chris was booked out and sometimes you need somebody who is not part of the picture. 

Cary quizzed me about what had changed in the last few weeks in terms of diet the two things I figured out were the organic yoghurt squeezies that he had been loving and some wheat products. Cary looked him over and found a neurological pattern (my husbands practice utilises a technique that works with peoples neurology rather than symptoms alone, called Neuro Impulse Protocol) that indicated, yes he was being aggravated by sugar and gluten. He did some adjustments and sent me on my way also mentioning that 2 grams of sugar is the maximum a child should have in a day. 

I got home and looked at the packet of yoghurt and realised in horror that it contained 8 grams of sugar. Wow talk about mother guilt!!! Anyway that night instead of waking up every 3 hours he only woke once. Then the following day he had a 2 and a half hour long nap in the morning and an hour and a half long nap in the afternoon. 2 and a half hours!!! He has never, ever, ever slept that long during the day! Even when he was brand new he only slept 2 hours at a time. I finally got sleep again and changed from being a crazy lady in to a not so crazy lady. He has now gone back to his usual 1 wake up per night. This is not the first time chiro has saved my sanity either. I am eternally grateful to my husband and his colleagues who have soothed my upset baby and brought things back to normal over and over again. I will always tell others how amazing chiro is. 

Thank you to all the healers out there changing peoples lives for the better every day.

L xox    

So today I am going to be brave

So many Mums around me of late have been sharing their journey's and have been very brave in opening their hearts and telling about the challenges they are currently facing and have faced in the past. For this reason I have been inspired to be brave and share my story.

Several years ago I had a breakdown, a full scale head first dive into a deep, dark, black hole. I was completely incapacitated, I was in a state of full blown anxiety and could hardly step out of my bedroom let alone my house. I lived in a personal hell where I couldn't sleep, eat or function. I lost 7 kilos which if you know how slim I am already was not a pleasant thing. I could not function in the world and I wanted it all to end. The effect it had on my family and partner was profound but I was powerless to stop it.  I was capable of only living in my own small box barely keeping my head above water. Eventually I was taken to hospital and then to a psychiatrist who told me I had clinical depression and had suffered from a mild form of it almost my whole life and I had finally reached breaking point. I started medication and became stabilised again but really this was only the beginning of my journey.

The feelings that I experienced when I was in this place are very hard to describe. Words just don't seem to do it justice. Despair. Helplessness. Unworthiness. Darkness. Really these are just scraping the surface. The way you feel when you are depressed I would not wish it on anyone. It is something you don't want to feel even for one minute of the day but you can't escape it, awake, asleep, watching tv, reading, talking, eating, drinking every single daily activity is saturated with these feelings. There is no respite. For these reasons depression is also utterly exhausting. You feel like you are living a double life with how you feel inside and how you seem on the surface. It is like you are in the middle of a crowded room screaming and nobody takes notice. You are lonely even when surrounded by loved ones.

I have vivid memories of saying to Chris over and over why is this happening to me? And avidly wishing that depression was something you could just get removed like a faulty organ. I would have given anything to make it go away.

I want to write about depression because not enough people talk about it. Mental health is a mind field, people are very uncomfortable talking about it because they can't bare to think about it happening to themselves. People with mental health issues already have so much to cope with and it makes me sad that there is such a taboo surrounding this topic as really when someone is suffering the last thing they need to feel is ostracised.

Depression did take a lot away from me all those years ago but now I look at it as a gift. It truly has given me so much and made me the person I am today. It pushed me to my limit but in this dark place I found so much, spirituality, how strong I can be, and the ability to empathise and never pass judgement on others going through similar experiences. I read my first book on Buddhism on one of my darkest days and I am forever grateful for that. Depression forces me to strive to be the best I can be, I need to be vigilant in taking care of myself, exercise, eat well, and practice mindfulness. Otherwise it creeps back. I see it as a motivating force and nowadays the black dog and I are more friends than enemies.

The medication is a story in itself that I won't go into today but I am happy to say that after years of working my ass off I am not on medication anymore. I have much gratitude for the chemicals that saved my life but as my husband so eloquently put it they provide a floor so you don't fall into that place but they also enforce a ceiling that means you can only go so high. It got to the point for me where I felt restricted by the medication and I knew it was time to come off them. Not as easy as it sounds but I am very proud of myself for coming so far.

My last words on this subject is to practice kindness to one another. You never, ever know what someone else is going through beyond the mask they project to the world. Everyone is doing the best they can possibly do at the time, with the resources they have been given. There is no shame in falling apart and getting help. I hope my story helps others feel that they can ask me about any of the things I have been through and know that their story is safe with me. I want my story to inspire others to get help if they need it and stop living in denial. If you aren't coping in daily life for longer than two weeks or so that is not okay. Every single one of us has a birthright to be happy, peaceful and fulfilled don't deny yourself that. Life is simply too short.

Websites I found helpful: http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/
http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx

Love to all
L x

Community minded

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/sydney-nsw/toddler-home-alone-after-mother-dies/story-e6freuzi-1226327501091 This article chilled me to the bone and brought tears to my eyes and has inspired today's post. 5 days.............. FIVE days this toddler was left alone in her house with her mother's dead body. Thank god she was found alive at all. I know people shy away from this kind of story because it makes them feel extremely uncomfortable (and rightfully so) but it is for this exact reason I think we need to look up and pay attention.

Why is this happening? Why is it when we have come so far in other fields we seem to be really missing something when it comes to human connection?

Isn't this a warning sign we cannot ignore? Don't we owe it to this baby and her mother to really look at our daily lives and try to look out for one another more often? This makes me so sad, that our society has become so isolated and self absorbed that we don't check on our neighbours enough. You may not like the people next door, but they matter to someone somewhere and they are a fellow human being. We all share the same essence at our core, surely this is enough to justify a quick check on another's well being.

Technology I believe is partly to blame, we create online "communities" and communicate on social networks and I think this discourages us from making connections face to face and reaching out in our every day lives. While it is certainly a very convenient way to connect I believe it is taking away from human touch, affection and love that can only be exchanged in a physical capacity. Technology as it currently stands does not have the ability to assess peoples health and well being, it cannot assess body language or a persons mood and it cannot possibly replicate the warm feeling we get from interacting in person.

As a mother I understand the importance of community more than ever. Much of a mothers life is spent in isolation caring for our babies. The network we build around us such as mothers groups, playgroups, extended family, (the list is endless) is crucial in staying sane. We help each other out by giving advice and support and helping other mummies feel like they're not alone when they are having a challenging day with their little ones. Reaching out and spending time with your network can make a difference between a good day and a bad day, and can change a dark mood into a mellow mood. What about everyone else though? I know I did not have a village like I do now before I was a Mum and as well as that my village lives spread all over the place so they aren't checking on my daily well being.      

So what's the solution? Stay connected. Check on your neighbours, what have you got to lose by just making sure someone else is ok especially if they are elderly or vulnerable. In fact I think we all have something to gain by making more pathways, how wonderful would a neighbour feel if you said a simple hello, how are you? You may even brighten their day or cultivate a sense of community that they have never felt before. Radiate love and kindness to others and you will also receive it back ten fold, this is a universal law, so really you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Sending you love joy and peace through the cyber waves ;-)

L xox 

Humble pie

Feeling humble is underrated. It's not really something that comes up too often but it is such an excellent reminder that we are just one small part of a larger whole. Being humble is realizing that the whole world does not revolve around us and we arent really in control of what is going on. It is realizing that there is a larger force at play that there is a divine plan for us all. When that larger force does something to make us look up and take note is when we become humbled.

Some people call it a divine intervention others say everything happens for a reason or bad things come in threes I believe that this all the same thing that it is actually just the higher spirit teaching us what we need to learn or directing us to where our lives are destined to be. Making us stronger so we can pass on lessons that others need to learn.

Ever have an uncomfortable or challenging situation happen and at the time you have no idea why it's going on? then find once the storm has passed and everything settles, you look back and reflect and say oh so that's why that all happened that way in exactly that order. That is the divine presence at work. At times this can be a harsh lesson to learn and we feel like we don't understand why this has happened to us. Sometimes it can take us years or even a whole lifetime to finally realise why it needed to happen to us. I honestly believe that when awful things happen to people it allows them to grow into the person they need to be to create change. It allows them to see what they are truly capable of as a human being and gives them the strength to move toward their authentic self.

This year I have been truly humbled by the force of the universe. There is so much change and growth going on in my personal life that I can barely keep up. It is like everything has sped up and things are happening left, right and centre and I have no time to process it. I am in awe of the power of the higher presence. It is uncomfortable at times but that is what growth entails. I feel like I am moving ever closer to my true self and as I process the negative I am allowing space for joy, love and peace to infiltrate more and more every day. So I welcome change and growth this year and allow what no longer serves me to leave my life. I feel so excited for what's to come :-)

L xox 

Simple meditation to try

Inner Buddha meditation
We all have a piece of the divine inside of us also known as our authentic self. It is the core of who we are and is forever aglow in our heart of hearts. To get in touch with this part of ourselves you can practice this simple meditation. You can take as much or as little time as you need for this exercise. Even 30 seconds is beneficial but it is optimal to do 10-20 minutes if you can.

To start get yourself into a comfortable position. If you are someone who falls asleep easily it's best to sit. You can even sit in a comfortable chair with your feet planted firmly on the ground.

Next close down your eyes and just take a few moments to tune into your breath. The inhale and then the exhale. Do this until you feel centred.

Then visualise your inner Buddha, this Buddha can take any form that you like. For example my Buddha's head sits at my heart centre, in the middle of your chest and then his body follows the line of the rest of my body and he is sitting in a crossed legged position resting at the base of my torso. Just hold that visualisation inside your minds eye and every time thoughts come into your mind simply and gently guide your thought back to your Buddha. Every time you get distracted thinking about what you need to do later on or what happened yesterday, again gently guide your awareness back to your inner Buddha.

A sense of inner peace will wash over you as you realise that no matter what is happening in your life you always have  this place inside you that you can travel to. Even if its only for a few breaths.

Enjoy and please let me know if you try it out and what you think.

Namaste
L x

Thought for the day

Love and all else will follow.

This line from a song always makes my heart smile

2012 you are testing me!

This year has been hard yakka and I am feeling particularly crappy about it today so I am writing why it has been amazing to gain perspective:


Why this year has been wonderful:
1. My boy is happy and healthy besides having a cold he has nothing seriously wrong with him.
2. Chris is thriving at work he has reached capacity with his numbers and even has a waiting list something that he has worked long and hard for, for so long, he truly deserves it.
3. I have finally felt like going back to yoga and exercise
4. Chris and eddie are building such an incredible bond and i get to witness it every day.
5. Eddie's sleep is much much better
6. My family is closer than ever
7. Sex life is getting back on track
8. We no longer have the burden of worry to carry from Chris's unwell grandfather
9. I get to do what I love every single day I don't love every moment of it everyday but I still manage to smile a shitload more than I used to.
10. I get to write how I really feel in my blog and share it with the world.
11. Moments of happiness are very much appreciated
12. Alone time is no longer taken for granted
13.I have forged some beautiful new friendships and strengthened old ones
14.  get to observe how strong I really am.

Things to look forward to:
1. Selling the house so we can move closer to financial freedom
2. Being closer to chris's work so he can be home even more
3. No mortgage hanging over our heads and a decent savings cushion to build on
4. Continuing to discover the wonders of this world and grow on my journey of self discovery
5. Watch my son grow and change and thrive
6. Watch myself grow and change and thrive
7. Trip to the Hunter Valley for my Dad's 60th
8. My son's first birthday
9. Chris's 30th
10. Eddie walking, talking and getting teeth
A million moments in between of laughter, happiness, peace and calm.

So here's to you 2012 I know you are testing me just so I can grow into the woman I strive to be, so bring it on.

L xox

Autumn musings

Such beautiful weather of late the sun is dappled and warm, not too harsh, the sky is a crisp blue and the air is fresh. I can feel a sense of comfort and a need to hibernate coming over me in preparation for winter. C and I were saying yesterday that while others say we don't have seasons here in Brisbane I beg to differ there is certainly a change in the air. Just stunning and I feel blessed to be a witness and privileged to exist on planet earth.

some of my demons

The things I wrestle with the most are generally self doubt, pessimistic outlook on life, attachment to the future and being way too hard on myself. These demons have been coming out to play a lot of late due to an unusual amount of stress in my life. It frustrates me that I get myself into this state and all the tools I have taught myself over a lifetime seem to go out the window. I forget to meditate, I forget to breathe and live in the moment. I then have to remind myself that these practices will come back to me when the moment is right. I also have to constantly remind myself that there is a divine plan for me and my family I just need to trust.

Self doubt has been plaguing me of late with how i parent. I seem to get into this great rhythm with E and then something happens to rock the boat and I feel like I am back at square one again. E's sleep has been a bit rocky lately due to sickness and instead of trusting I am doing the right thing and sticking to what I have been doing all along I start questioning myself and wondering if I am doing something to make things worse or maybe there is something I could be doing differently. I have no idea why I do this. Yesterday I had a breakthrough and I realised that I do know what I'm doing and I have been doing the right thing all along. I just need to remind myself in these times of turmoil.

This week I also just wanted to acknowledge that Grandpa has passed away. I am so happy that it happened in a peaceful way and feel so much gratitude for the time we spent with him and the opportunity we got to say goodbye. He will be dearly missed, he lovingly cultivated a very special home that the whole family was always welcome in. Thank you Grandpa for teaching me what family truly is xox

L   

A public service announcement

Fulfilment such a glorious feeling. I have moments lately with E where happiness just wells up inside me and fills me to the core. I never knew I could be so happy. He is incredible. To people who don't have kids this is probably hard to imagine. From an outsiders perspective kids are pretty gross and weird. They smell funny, they poo in their pants they slobber on everything and eat all kinda of weird stuff and then try to share it with you but to me everything my baby does is amazing.

The other day we were having a little snuggle in bed the three of us and I looked at E and then at hubby and it hit me we made this little person lying between us.  He is literally a physical manifestation of our love. WOW.

I really feel that being a parent is really what it is all about. I want to scream from the rooftops to everyone who is thinking about having kids and putting it off for one reason or another. STOP putting it off. Trust me. Everything will work out you will be fine. Yes it's scary and full on but it's what you are meant to do. Besides the universe will never give you more then you can handle at any one time.  Please do not put it off any longer the world needs more children the world needs many many more children.

Children are our teachers they are little masters and they represent everything that is wondrous in this life. That world trip you think you need to take to grow and get to know yourself, you don't need it, the career that is supposed to be the be all and end all of your existence trust me it's not. The money you think you need to have a child you don't you will never have enough and the universe will provide, it always does right? Don't put it off. Every inward journey and lesson that you could ever think of will be completed with a child. It is all right there in front of you. Throw caution to the wind what could you possibly be waiting for that could be anywhere near as amazing as having a baby?

I know not everyone wants kids and maybe even if they do they won't be as obsessed as I am but this is my blog and this is how I feel. I heart being a Mum and a family more than anything ever!!!

L xox

Moments

This just came to me............ Every single moment that we live in is unique and will never be lived again. Even the so called negative moments will be lived differently each and every time. Isn't that just awe inspiring? And our whole entire lives are made up of these moments. How blessed I feel right now :-)

Dedicated to Grandpa

The buddhist monks say to meditate on death everyday of our lives.While this may seem morbid it is in practice a liberating experience here's why.......................

It reminds us to be grateful for what we have. It reminds us of our fragile hold on this life and how truly precious it is. It keeps us grounded. It renders petty issues obsolete. All of a sudden things that used to matter don't matter anymore. New life becomes even more precious and filled with joy. It helps us to stay living in the moment.

I write about death this week due to a close family member coming to the end of his life. Observing his interactions with my son and other great grandchildren is such a blessing. His eyes light up, animation fills his voice where it hasn't existed for quite some time and he seems at peace in these moments. What a priveledge to see the coming together of new life and a life that is coming to its natural end.

Grandpa is a very proud man, a man that has always held his head high, that has maintained his sense of dignity even at the end of his life. Due to this pride Grandpa has always carried around it has sometimes seemed as if there is a wall around his heart. This is not the case anymore. Now love radiates from every pore of his being, the walls have become pointless. The worry lines that used to furrow his brow are now gone. He is love and seeing this makes me believe that death is another expression of love.

Death is bitter-sweet it takes away from us but also gives so much. It teaches us many lessons about ourselves and those around us. It shines a light upon our authentic self and strips back the layers that have covered us over a lifetime.
So in honour of grandpa and all loved ones who have passed or are coming towards the end of their life,  do meditate on death. Give those that have touched our lives credit by remebering to feel lucky everyday      for everything that you have. FORGIVE, life is too short and there is too much going on in this world to hold a grudge. If there is anything you are holding on to that is causing you pain or inflicting pain on others let it go its simply not worth it.

Remember to reflect on the impermanence of life and this will give you the courage to move forward and live true to your authentic self.

L xox

Confessions of a first time Mum 9 months in

Firstly I wanted to apologise for not writing for a while 2012 has been challenging so far. We have made the decision to sell our house and have also given our our dogs away in readiness to downsize which was a heart breaking experience. This taught me many lessons about the pitfalls of attachment. Today though I want to share the things I have learnt so far being a yogimama.

1. Every single day is different and I need to be strong but flexible to adapt to parenthood. E has no concept of time or how the modern world works.He couldn't care less that we are running late or have a million things to do so I have had to relax a little (ok a lot) when it comes to daily life.

2. Sleep training is sometimes a necessary thing. I never thought I would train my son to sleep. I had a romantic notion that I could just go along with whatever happened and let him do whatever he wanted. 9 months in of extreme sleep deprivation and E's sleep getting worse (he was waking every 1 to 2 hours) I was physically, spiritually and mentally drained. I was not being the mother I wanted to be and was walking around like a zombie just trying to block out life because it was all too hard. With a history of depression I also could not take any more. So I taught him to self settle. I didn't leave him to cry it out but I do now keep feeding times well away from sleeping times and he is put in his cot wide awake. Last night I got 7 hours in a row straight. I am so relieved about this I could cry. I now feel like I can have more children when I was starting to think I could not.

3. What is good for the family is good for the bub. Up until recently I have been following a parenting style that put E totally in front. Now I'm not saying that his needs aren't to be met before mine and C's at all but what I am saying is there needs to be a balance. It has been way out of kilter and my personal life and marriage has been suffering. When hubby and I recently started fighting because of it I knew that it had gone too far. My marriage comes first. I feel that by putting my marriage first I am putting E first. I come from a broken home and I never want my children to go through that. So some compromise and balance is in order.

4. Crying is ok. I always thought that I had to distract feed do whatever I needed to do to stop E from crying. Now I check all his needs are met, hunger, thirst, cold, hot, wet nappy and if all is fulfilled I am ok with him crying. I cuddle him and let him know I am there for him but I don't stop him. I think that we all find it very uncomfortable when a baby cries because we are taught in this society that crying means bad things that it is something that needs to be suppressed. Crying is a natural, healthy part of our complex emotional spectrum. What is this obsession with needing to be happy ALL the time, being sad, angry or frustrated are just emotions they are neither good or bad they are just part of who we are.   Being a yogi I believe that all feelings need to be felt at the time. Emotions will come out one way or another either via inappropriate timing (for example when you can't sleep due to disturbing emotions) or a physical manifestation, for example unexplained headaches back pain, practically anything you can think of . When babies are upset it also reminds us of painful times in our own childhood but I now believe it is my responsibility as the adult to sometimes endure that discomfort in order to allow my child to express his true feelings in a safe environment.

5.What works for my family won't work for all families. My situation and family is unique and every theory and parenting style that I put into practice needs to be tailored to my circumstance. I need to listen to what will make my family and baby the most content. I don't need to follow everything exactly as it has been written (something I have a tendency to do due to my perfectionism.)

6. Non attachment is a very useful tool when it comes to raising a baby. Not being attached to material possessions is a very important thing to keep in mind. Babies don't understand how much something cost or how special it is to you they just think it is something to chew on! Also not being attached to the idea of being happy all the time. As mentioned above each emotion has its place and to get attached to one or the other just creates more pain.

7. Not judging others is so important in the life of a parent. I have no idea what else is going on in another person's life nor do I have the right to judge whether what they are doing is right or wrong.

This is some of what I have learnt so far and I learn new things every single day. It is an ongoing process that will continue on for the rest of my life. That is what life is about though right?

Love and light
L x

My personal year in colours and numbers

For many years now I have been using the book "Colours and numbers" by Louise L Hay and find that every year it is totally spot on. It utilises numerology and colour to determine your personal journey for the year. I want to share what it says for me this year.

No 7 Personal Year

Colours: Purple/Violet

Gemstone: Amethyst

Keyword: Faith

This is an inner year. The fruit is just beginning to show on the vine, and we must have faith that it will ripen. Take time for reflection, study and self analysis. Spend lots of time alone, and use it constructively. Analyse your thoughts and actions. What would you like to change about yourself? The number 7 always reveals things we normally do not see. Look over your life. This year is for inner growth and preparation. Don't reach out or try to force things; let things come to you. Meditate, be introspective. Leave the social life for another time. You may travel to learn more about yourself. This is a spiritual year, so flow with it. Allow your soul to grow. 

"I ENJOY THE INNER QUEST AND FIND MANY ANSWERS!"

Reading this last night I was so blown away by how true this was it brought tears to my eyes. I love this book! Anyone who wants me to look up their personal year let me know I am happy to write it up for you. 

Namaste 

L xox 

Quote from Swami Vivekananda

"You are the greatest book that ever was or ever will be, the infinite depository of all that is. Until the inner teacher opens, all outside teaching is in vain. It must lead to the opening of the book of the heart to have any value"

The illusion of ownership

Last night during a meditation on ego I had an epiphany. The meditation asked us to list mentally all the things we believe we own, this included material, spiritual, emotional and physical things. As I ran through my list I realised that I don't "own" any of it. nothing of it is mine to keep but only something I am a temporary custodian over.

To give you an example, the idea of ownership of land has always been a bazaar concept to me. How can we own a piece of something as powerful as the earth? To actually divide up pieces of the land and assign values to it is bazaar don't you think? The earth is something that has been around for billions of years it is ancient, and powerful who are we to come along and say "I'll take this piece as my own" really it still belongs to mother earth and for lack of a better word we are squatting! Also the things things we fill our houses with and our material possessions also don't belong to us, nothing does because everything is temporary. Everything will eventually decay and die.

In relation to our emotional state we don't own happiness, joy, peace and love, of course can cultivate an environment where these states are more natural but we don't own them. The other side of this is we don't own those uncomfortable emotions either such as anger, frustration, sadness, guilt these are all just temporary states passing through us in a moment in time.

As a believer in reincarnation I also think that we are temporary custodians of our physical body as well, that our soul or true self will pass on to another body in the next lifetime. Our physical body is simply a vessel to carry us through this lifetime.

In terms of being a parent we also don't own our children, they are not possessions or even mini versions of us. They are people in their own right that can be guided, loved and watched over but never really controlled or moulded to be a certain personality. I believe that our children come to this earth with pre destined personality traits and they choose us as parents to teach them the lessons they need to learn for this lifetime. I believe this is why so many people have challenging childhoods or complicated relationships with a parent/s because there are lessons that need to be learned and growing is never a comfortable experience. So we teach our children what they need to know consciously or subconsciously but we don't own their experiences.

So how can we use this knowledge to our advantage? Well it means we don't have to attached to the things in our life and with less attachment comes less pain. We don't have to get caught up in the things that can cause us angst, all the things you think you are missing out on that you could 'own' don't matter as much because you will never truly own them anyway. We don't have to get frustrated and feel like we are in a power struggle with our children when they won't do what we want them to do. Instead we can just respect that their path is different to ours and try to be facilitators in their lives rather than dictators which I think is a lot more fun. Our bodies become something we want to take care of like a well oiled machine because we know that it won't be around forever and our emotions become passing temporary states rather than something we have to get caught up in and upset by. I find this very liberating and freeing it means I can really let go. So enjoy the things that you have in this life but keep in mind it is never possible to truly own any of it.

Hope this gave you a feeling of peace as it did me,

L x