Saturday 31 March 2012
Autumn musings
Such beautiful weather of late the sun is dappled and warm, not too harsh, the sky is a crisp blue and the air is fresh. I can feel a sense of comfort and a need to hibernate coming over me in preparation for winter. C and I were saying yesterday that while others say we don't have seasons here in Brisbane I beg to differ there is certainly a change in the air. Just stunning and I feel blessed to be a witness and privileged to exist on planet earth.
Thursday 29 March 2012
some of my demons
The things I wrestle with the most are generally self doubt, pessimistic outlook on life, attachment to the future and being way too hard on myself. These demons have been coming out to play a lot of late due to an unusual amount of stress in my life. It frustrates me that I get myself into this state and all the tools I have taught myself over a lifetime seem to go out the window. I forget to meditate, I forget to breathe and live in the moment. I then have to remind myself that these practices will come back to me when the moment is right. I also have to constantly remind myself that there is a divine plan for me and my family I just need to trust.
Self doubt has been plaguing me of late with how i parent. I seem to get into this great rhythm with E and then something happens to rock the boat and I feel like I am back at square one again. E's sleep has been a bit rocky lately due to sickness and instead of trusting I am doing the right thing and sticking to what I have been doing all along I start questioning myself and wondering if I am doing something to make things worse or maybe there is something I could be doing differently. I have no idea why I do this. Yesterday I had a breakthrough and I realised that I do know what I'm doing and I have been doing the right thing all along. I just need to remind myself in these times of turmoil.
This week I also just wanted to acknowledge that Grandpa has passed away. I am so happy that it happened in a peaceful way and feel so much gratitude for the time we spent with him and the opportunity we got to say goodbye. He will be dearly missed, he lovingly cultivated a very special home that the whole family was always welcome in. Thank you Grandpa for teaching me what family truly is xox
L
Self doubt has been plaguing me of late with how i parent. I seem to get into this great rhythm with E and then something happens to rock the boat and I feel like I am back at square one again. E's sleep has been a bit rocky lately due to sickness and instead of trusting I am doing the right thing and sticking to what I have been doing all along I start questioning myself and wondering if I am doing something to make things worse or maybe there is something I could be doing differently. I have no idea why I do this. Yesterday I had a breakthrough and I realised that I do know what I'm doing and I have been doing the right thing all along. I just need to remind myself in these times of turmoil.
This week I also just wanted to acknowledge that Grandpa has passed away. I am so happy that it happened in a peaceful way and feel so much gratitude for the time we spent with him and the opportunity we got to say goodbye. He will be dearly missed, he lovingly cultivated a very special home that the whole family was always welcome in. Thank you Grandpa for teaching me what family truly is xox
L
Thursday 22 March 2012
A public service announcement
Fulfilment such a glorious feeling. I have moments lately with E where happiness just wells up inside me and fills me to the core. I never knew I could be so happy. He is incredible. To people who don't have kids this is probably hard to imagine. From an outsiders perspective kids are pretty gross and weird. They smell funny, they poo in their pants they slobber on everything and eat all kinda of weird stuff and then try to share it with you but to me everything my baby does is amazing.
The other day we were having a little snuggle in bed the three of us and I looked at E and then at hubby and it hit me we made this little person lying between us. He is literally a physical manifestation of our love. WOW.
I really feel that being a parent is really what it is all about. I want to scream from the rooftops to everyone who is thinking about having kids and putting it off for one reason or another. STOP putting it off. Trust me. Everything will work out you will be fine. Yes it's scary and full on but it's what you are meant to do. Besides the universe will never give you more then you can handle at any one time. Please do not put it off any longer the world needs more children the world needs many many more children.
Children are our teachers they are little masters and they represent everything that is wondrous in this life. That world trip you think you need to take to grow and get to know yourself, you don't need it, the career that is supposed to be the be all and end all of your existence trust me it's not. The money you think you need to have a child you don't you will never have enough and the universe will provide, it always does right? Don't put it off. Every inward journey and lesson that you could ever think of will be completed with a child. It is all right there in front of you. Throw caution to the wind what could you possibly be waiting for that could be anywhere near as amazing as having a baby?
I know not everyone wants kids and maybe even if they do they won't be as obsessed as I am but this is my blog and this is how I feel. I heart being a Mum and a family more than anything ever!!!
L xox
The other day we were having a little snuggle in bed the three of us and I looked at E and then at hubby and it hit me we made this little person lying between us. He is literally a physical manifestation of our love. WOW.
I really feel that being a parent is really what it is all about. I want to scream from the rooftops to everyone who is thinking about having kids and putting it off for one reason or another. STOP putting it off. Trust me. Everything will work out you will be fine. Yes it's scary and full on but it's what you are meant to do. Besides the universe will never give you more then you can handle at any one time. Please do not put it off any longer the world needs more children the world needs many many more children.
Children are our teachers they are little masters and they represent everything that is wondrous in this life. That world trip you think you need to take to grow and get to know yourself, you don't need it, the career that is supposed to be the be all and end all of your existence trust me it's not. The money you think you need to have a child you don't you will never have enough and the universe will provide, it always does right? Don't put it off. Every inward journey and lesson that you could ever think of will be completed with a child. It is all right there in front of you. Throw caution to the wind what could you possibly be waiting for that could be anywhere near as amazing as having a baby?
I know not everyone wants kids and maybe even if they do they won't be as obsessed as I am but this is my blog and this is how I feel. I heart being a Mum and a family more than anything ever!!!
L xox
Moments
This just came to me............ Every single moment that we live in is unique and will never be lived again. Even the so called negative moments will be lived differently each and every time. Isn't that just awe inspiring? And our whole entire lives are made up of these moments. How blessed I feel right now :-)
Monday 19 March 2012
Dedicated to Grandpa
The buddhist monks say to meditate on death everyday of our lives.While this may seem morbid it is in practice a liberating experience here's why.......................
It reminds us to be grateful for what we have. It reminds us of our fragile hold on this life and how truly precious it is. It keeps us grounded. It renders petty issues obsolete. All of a sudden things that used to matter don't matter anymore. New life becomes even more precious and filled with joy. It helps us to stay living in the moment.
I write about death this week due to a close family member coming to the end of his life. Observing his interactions with my son and other great grandchildren is such a blessing. His eyes light up, animation fills his voice where it hasn't existed for quite some time and he seems at peace in these moments. What a priveledge to see the coming together of new life and a life that is coming to its natural end.
Grandpa is a very proud man, a man that has always held his head high, that has maintained his sense of dignity even at the end of his life. Due to this pride Grandpa has always carried around it has sometimes seemed as if there is a wall around his heart. This is not the case anymore. Now love radiates from every pore of his being, the walls have become pointless. The worry lines that used to furrow his brow are now gone. He is love and seeing this makes me believe that death is another expression of love.
Death is bitter-sweet it takes away from us but also gives so much. It teaches us many lessons about ourselves and those around us. It shines a light upon our authentic self and strips back the layers that have covered us over a lifetime.
So in honour of grandpa and all loved ones who have passed or are coming towards the end of their life, do meditate on death. Give those that have touched our lives credit by remebering to feel lucky everyday for everything that you have. FORGIVE, life is too short and there is too much going on in this world to hold a grudge. If there is anything you are holding on to that is causing you pain or inflicting pain on others let it go its simply not worth it.
Remember to reflect on the impermanence of life and this will give you the courage to move forward and live true to your authentic self.
L xox
It reminds us to be grateful for what we have. It reminds us of our fragile hold on this life and how truly precious it is. It keeps us grounded. It renders petty issues obsolete. All of a sudden things that used to matter don't matter anymore. New life becomes even more precious and filled with joy. It helps us to stay living in the moment.
I write about death this week due to a close family member coming to the end of his life. Observing his interactions with my son and other great grandchildren is such a blessing. His eyes light up, animation fills his voice where it hasn't existed for quite some time and he seems at peace in these moments. What a priveledge to see the coming together of new life and a life that is coming to its natural end.
Grandpa is a very proud man, a man that has always held his head high, that has maintained his sense of dignity even at the end of his life. Due to this pride Grandpa has always carried around it has sometimes seemed as if there is a wall around his heart. This is not the case anymore. Now love radiates from every pore of his being, the walls have become pointless. The worry lines that used to furrow his brow are now gone. He is love and seeing this makes me believe that death is another expression of love.
Death is bitter-sweet it takes away from us but also gives so much. It teaches us many lessons about ourselves and those around us. It shines a light upon our authentic self and strips back the layers that have covered us over a lifetime.
So in honour of grandpa and all loved ones who have passed or are coming towards the end of their life, do meditate on death. Give those that have touched our lives credit by remebering to feel lucky everyday for everything that you have. FORGIVE, life is too short and there is too much going on in this world to hold a grudge. If there is anything you are holding on to that is causing you pain or inflicting pain on others let it go its simply not worth it.
Remember to reflect on the impermanence of life and this will give you the courage to move forward and live true to your authentic self.
L xox
Thursday 8 March 2012
Confessions of a first time Mum 9 months in
Firstly I wanted to apologise for not writing for a while 2012 has been challenging so far. We have made the decision to sell our house and have also given our our dogs away in readiness to downsize which was a heart breaking experience. This taught me many lessons about the pitfalls of attachment. Today though I want to share the things I have learnt so far being a yogimama.
1. Every single day is different and I need to be strong but flexible to adapt to parenthood. E has no concept of time or how the modern world works.He couldn't care less that we are running late or have a million things to do so I have had to relax a little (ok a lot) when it comes to daily life.
2. Sleep training is sometimes a necessary thing. I never thought I would train my son to sleep. I had a romantic notion that I could just go along with whatever happened and let him do whatever he wanted. 9 months in of extreme sleep deprivation and E's sleep getting worse (he was waking every 1 to 2 hours) I was physically, spiritually and mentally drained. I was not being the mother I wanted to be and was walking around like a zombie just trying to block out life because it was all too hard. With a history of depression I also could not take any more. So I taught him to self settle. I didn't leave him to cry it out but I do now keep feeding times well away from sleeping times and he is put in his cot wide awake. Last night I got 7 hours in a row straight. I am so relieved about this I could cry. I now feel like I can have more children when I was starting to think I could not.
3. What is good for the family is good for the bub. Up until recently I have been following a parenting style that put E totally in front. Now I'm not saying that his needs aren't to be met before mine and C's at all but what I am saying is there needs to be a balance. It has been way out of kilter and my personal life and marriage has been suffering. When hubby and I recently started fighting because of it I knew that it had gone too far. My marriage comes first. I feel that by putting my marriage first I am putting E first. I come from a broken home and I never want my children to go through that. So some compromise and balance is in order.
4. Crying is ok. I always thought that I had to distract feed do whatever I needed to do to stop E from crying. Now I check all his needs are met, hunger, thirst, cold, hot, wet nappy and if all is fulfilled I am ok with him crying. I cuddle him and let him know I am there for him but I don't stop him. I think that we all find it very uncomfortable when a baby cries because we are taught in this society that crying means bad things that it is something that needs to be suppressed. Crying is a natural, healthy part of our complex emotional spectrum. What is this obsession with needing to be happy ALL the time, being sad, angry or frustrated are just emotions they are neither good or bad they are just part of who we are. Being a yogi I believe that all feelings need to be felt at the time. Emotions will come out one way or another either via inappropriate timing (for example when you can't sleep due to disturbing emotions) or a physical manifestation, for example unexplained headaches back pain, practically anything you can think of . When babies are upset it also reminds us of painful times in our own childhood but I now believe it is my responsibility as the adult to sometimes endure that discomfort in order to allow my child to express his true feelings in a safe environment.
5.What works for my family won't work for all families. My situation and family is unique and every theory and parenting style that I put into practice needs to be tailored to my circumstance. I need to listen to what will make my family and baby the most content. I don't need to follow everything exactly as it has been written (something I have a tendency to do due to my perfectionism.)
6. Non attachment is a very useful tool when it comes to raising a baby. Not being attached to material possessions is a very important thing to keep in mind. Babies don't understand how much something cost or how special it is to you they just think it is something to chew on! Also not being attached to the idea of being happy all the time. As mentioned above each emotion has its place and to get attached to one or the other just creates more pain.
7. Not judging others is so important in the life of a parent. I have no idea what else is going on in another person's life nor do I have the right to judge whether what they are doing is right or wrong.
This is some of what I have learnt so far and I learn new things every single day. It is an ongoing process that will continue on for the rest of my life. That is what life is about though right?
Love and light
L x
1. Every single day is different and I need to be strong but flexible to adapt to parenthood. E has no concept of time or how the modern world works.He couldn't care less that we are running late or have a million things to do so I have had to relax a little (ok a lot) when it comes to daily life.
2. Sleep training is sometimes a necessary thing. I never thought I would train my son to sleep. I had a romantic notion that I could just go along with whatever happened and let him do whatever he wanted. 9 months in of extreme sleep deprivation and E's sleep getting worse (he was waking every 1 to 2 hours) I was physically, spiritually and mentally drained. I was not being the mother I wanted to be and was walking around like a zombie just trying to block out life because it was all too hard. With a history of depression I also could not take any more. So I taught him to self settle. I didn't leave him to cry it out but I do now keep feeding times well away from sleeping times and he is put in his cot wide awake. Last night I got 7 hours in a row straight. I am so relieved about this I could cry. I now feel like I can have more children when I was starting to think I could not.
3. What is good for the family is good for the bub. Up until recently I have been following a parenting style that put E totally in front. Now I'm not saying that his needs aren't to be met before mine and C's at all but what I am saying is there needs to be a balance. It has been way out of kilter and my personal life and marriage has been suffering. When hubby and I recently started fighting because of it I knew that it had gone too far. My marriage comes first. I feel that by putting my marriage first I am putting E first. I come from a broken home and I never want my children to go through that. So some compromise and balance is in order.
4. Crying is ok. I always thought that I had to distract feed do whatever I needed to do to stop E from crying. Now I check all his needs are met, hunger, thirst, cold, hot, wet nappy and if all is fulfilled I am ok with him crying. I cuddle him and let him know I am there for him but I don't stop him. I think that we all find it very uncomfortable when a baby cries because we are taught in this society that crying means bad things that it is something that needs to be suppressed. Crying is a natural, healthy part of our complex emotional spectrum. What is this obsession with needing to be happy ALL the time, being sad, angry or frustrated are just emotions they are neither good or bad they are just part of who we are. Being a yogi I believe that all feelings need to be felt at the time. Emotions will come out one way or another either via inappropriate timing (for example when you can't sleep due to disturbing emotions) or a physical manifestation, for example unexplained headaches back pain, practically anything you can think of . When babies are upset it also reminds us of painful times in our own childhood but I now believe it is my responsibility as the adult to sometimes endure that discomfort in order to allow my child to express his true feelings in a safe environment.
5.What works for my family won't work for all families. My situation and family is unique and every theory and parenting style that I put into practice needs to be tailored to my circumstance. I need to listen to what will make my family and baby the most content. I don't need to follow everything exactly as it has been written (something I have a tendency to do due to my perfectionism.)
6. Non attachment is a very useful tool when it comes to raising a baby. Not being attached to material possessions is a very important thing to keep in mind. Babies don't understand how much something cost or how special it is to you they just think it is something to chew on! Also not being attached to the idea of being happy all the time. As mentioned above each emotion has its place and to get attached to one or the other just creates more pain.
7. Not judging others is so important in the life of a parent. I have no idea what else is going on in another person's life nor do I have the right to judge whether what they are doing is right or wrong.
This is some of what I have learnt so far and I learn new things every single day. It is an ongoing process that will continue on for the rest of my life. That is what life is about though right?
Love and light
L x
My personal year in colours and numbers
For many years now I have been using the book "Colours and numbers" by Louise L Hay and find that every year it is totally spot on. It utilises numerology and colour to determine your personal journey for the year. I want to share what it says for me this year.
No 7 Personal Year
Colours: Purple/Violet
Gemstone: Amethyst
Keyword: Faith
This is an inner year. The fruit is just beginning to show on the vine, and we must have faith that it will ripen. Take time for reflection, study and self analysis. Spend lots of time alone, and use it constructively. Analyse your thoughts and actions. What would you like to change about yourself? The number 7 always reveals things we normally do not see. Look over your life. This year is for inner growth and preparation. Don't reach out or try to force things; let things come to you. Meditate, be introspective. Leave the social life for another time. You may travel to learn more about yourself. This is a spiritual year, so flow with it. Allow your soul to grow.
"I ENJOY THE INNER QUEST AND FIND MANY ANSWERS!"
Reading this last night I was so blown away by how true this was it brought tears to my eyes. I love this book! Anyone who wants me to look up their personal year let me know I am happy to write it up for you.
Namaste
L xox
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