Firstly I wanted to apologise for not writing for a while 2012 has been challenging so far. We have made the decision to sell our house and have also given our our dogs away in readiness to downsize which was a heart breaking experience. This taught me many lessons about the pitfalls of attachment. Today though I want to share the things I have learnt so far being a yogimama.
1. Every single day is different and I need to be strong but flexible to adapt to parenthood. E has no concept of time or how the modern world works.He couldn't care less that we are running late or have a million things to do so I have had to relax a little (ok a lot) when it comes to daily life.
2. Sleep training is sometimes a necessary thing. I never thought I would train my son to sleep. I had a romantic notion that I could just go along with whatever happened and let him do whatever he wanted. 9 months in of extreme sleep deprivation and E's sleep getting worse (he was waking every 1 to 2 hours) I was physically, spiritually and mentally drained. I was not being the mother I wanted to be and was walking around like a zombie just trying to block out life because it was all too hard. With a history of depression I also could not take any more. So I taught him to self settle. I didn't leave him to cry it out but I do now keep feeding times well away from sleeping times and he is put in his cot wide awake. Last night I got 7 hours in a row straight. I am so relieved about this I could cry. I now feel like I can have more children when I was starting to think I could not.
3. What is good for the family is good for the bub. Up until recently I have been following a parenting style that put E totally in front. Now I'm not saying that his needs aren't to be met before mine and C's at all but what I am saying is there needs to be a balance. It has been way out of kilter and my personal life and marriage has been suffering. When hubby and I recently started fighting because of it I knew that it had gone too far. My marriage comes first. I feel that by putting my marriage first I am putting E first. I come from a broken home and I never want my children to go through that. So some compromise and balance is in order.
4. Crying is ok. I always thought that I had to distract feed do whatever I needed to do to stop E from crying. Now I check all his needs are met, hunger, thirst, cold, hot, wet nappy and if all is fulfilled I am ok with him crying. I cuddle him and let him know I am there for him but I don't stop him. I think that we all find it very uncomfortable when a baby cries because we are taught in this society that crying means bad things that it is something that needs to be suppressed. Crying is a natural, healthy part of our complex emotional spectrum. What is this obsession with needing to be happy ALL the time, being sad, angry or frustrated are just emotions they are neither good or bad they are just part of who we are. Being a yogi I believe that all feelings need to be felt at the time. Emotions will come out one way or another either via inappropriate timing (for example when you can't sleep due to disturbing emotions) or a physical manifestation, for example unexplained headaches back pain, practically anything you can think of . When babies are upset it also reminds us of painful times in our own childhood but I now believe it is my responsibility as the adult to sometimes endure that discomfort in order to allow my child to express his true feelings in a safe environment.
5.What works for my family won't work for all families. My situation and family is unique and every theory and parenting style that I put into practice needs to be tailored to my circumstance. I need to listen to what will make my family and baby the most content. I don't need to follow everything exactly as it has been written (something I have a tendency to do due to my perfectionism.)
6. Non attachment is a very useful tool when it comes to raising a baby. Not being attached to material possessions is a very important thing to keep in mind. Babies don't understand how much something cost or how special it is to you they just think it is something to chew on! Also not being attached to the idea of being happy all the time. As mentioned above each emotion has its place and to get attached to one or the other just creates more pain.
7. Not judging others is so important in the life of a parent. I have no idea what else is going on in another person's life nor do I have the right to judge whether what they are doing is right or wrong.
This is some of what I have learnt so far and I learn new things every single day. It is an ongoing process that will continue on for the rest of my life. That is what life is about though right?
Love and light
L x
1. Every single day is different and I need to be strong but flexible to adapt to parenthood. E has no concept of time or how the modern world works.He couldn't care less that we are running late or have a million things to do so I have had to relax a little (ok a lot) when it comes to daily life.
2. Sleep training is sometimes a necessary thing. I never thought I would train my son to sleep. I had a romantic notion that I could just go along with whatever happened and let him do whatever he wanted. 9 months in of extreme sleep deprivation and E's sleep getting worse (he was waking every 1 to 2 hours) I was physically, spiritually and mentally drained. I was not being the mother I wanted to be and was walking around like a zombie just trying to block out life because it was all too hard. With a history of depression I also could not take any more. So I taught him to self settle. I didn't leave him to cry it out but I do now keep feeding times well away from sleeping times and he is put in his cot wide awake. Last night I got 7 hours in a row straight. I am so relieved about this I could cry. I now feel like I can have more children when I was starting to think I could not.
3. What is good for the family is good for the bub. Up until recently I have been following a parenting style that put E totally in front. Now I'm not saying that his needs aren't to be met before mine and C's at all but what I am saying is there needs to be a balance. It has been way out of kilter and my personal life and marriage has been suffering. When hubby and I recently started fighting because of it I knew that it had gone too far. My marriage comes first. I feel that by putting my marriage first I am putting E first. I come from a broken home and I never want my children to go through that. So some compromise and balance is in order.
4. Crying is ok. I always thought that I had to distract feed do whatever I needed to do to stop E from crying. Now I check all his needs are met, hunger, thirst, cold, hot, wet nappy and if all is fulfilled I am ok with him crying. I cuddle him and let him know I am there for him but I don't stop him. I think that we all find it very uncomfortable when a baby cries because we are taught in this society that crying means bad things that it is something that needs to be suppressed. Crying is a natural, healthy part of our complex emotional spectrum. What is this obsession with needing to be happy ALL the time, being sad, angry or frustrated are just emotions they are neither good or bad they are just part of who we are. Being a yogi I believe that all feelings need to be felt at the time. Emotions will come out one way or another either via inappropriate timing (for example when you can't sleep due to disturbing emotions) or a physical manifestation, for example unexplained headaches back pain, practically anything you can think of . When babies are upset it also reminds us of painful times in our own childhood but I now believe it is my responsibility as the adult to sometimes endure that discomfort in order to allow my child to express his true feelings in a safe environment.
5.What works for my family won't work for all families. My situation and family is unique and every theory and parenting style that I put into practice needs to be tailored to my circumstance. I need to listen to what will make my family and baby the most content. I don't need to follow everything exactly as it has been written (something I have a tendency to do due to my perfectionism.)
6. Non attachment is a very useful tool when it comes to raising a baby. Not being attached to material possessions is a very important thing to keep in mind. Babies don't understand how much something cost or how special it is to you they just think it is something to chew on! Also not being attached to the idea of being happy all the time. As mentioned above each emotion has its place and to get attached to one or the other just creates more pain.
7. Not judging others is so important in the life of a parent. I have no idea what else is going on in another person's life nor do I have the right to judge whether what they are doing is right or wrong.
This is some of what I have learnt so far and I learn new things every single day. It is an ongoing process that will continue on for the rest of my life. That is what life is about though right?
Love and light
L x
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