Lately I have really lost my spark. I just feel so fatigued and drained and I am struggling to stay positive in my daily life. Not sure what happened its like E got to the 12 month mark and I have suddenly hit the wall. I feel like I have been investing all my time and energy into this little person and while I understand bringing up a human being is of utmost importance I also feel like I have made the mistake of not leaving any room for my wants and needs. And because it has been a while since I have been living for me I feel like I have forgotten how to even go about getting what I want out of life.
One of the things I find most difficult about doing things for myself again is figuring out new ways to do this. I don't have hours on end to contemplate, process and act on what I want. As a result everything is in a bit of chaos. I don't have goals like I used to, for example when I worked the aim was to make money and get through the day without wanting to kill someone (I worked with extremely sleep deprived difficult people ;-)) Then on the weekend my aim was to let loose and have fun. I also had aspirations with my fitness and got to the point where I was working out daily. Last but not least I had aim when it came to my spirituality I knew that I was working towards becoming a more peaceful, grounded version of me.
In walks my old friend perfectionism, because I have a desire to do things a certain way and I have this certain set way figured out in my mind, instead of trying to do a little bit of what I want or figuring out another way I throw my hands up in the air and think "well if I can't do it properly then I won't bother doing it at all." I feel stuck in this old mindset and right now I can't see a way out of it. The way I have done things for as long as I can remember is such a deep rooted habit that needs to be broken.
I am fast realising that if I don't figure out a new way to balance my life then this dark hole I am dancing around is going to swallow me right up. Problem is right now it feels like to get in some decent me time as well as look after E I have to go hard and become insanely busy and becoming insanely busy is just as bad for me.
So what to do? Anyone got any ideas? What did other Mum's do? I need some inspiration to get me going and I need to rebuild the way I do things.
One of the things I find most difficult about doing things for myself again is figuring out new ways to do this. I don't have hours on end to contemplate, process and act on what I want. As a result everything is in a bit of chaos. I don't have goals like I used to, for example when I worked the aim was to make money and get through the day without wanting to kill someone (I worked with extremely sleep deprived difficult people ;-)) Then on the weekend my aim was to let loose and have fun. I also had aspirations with my fitness and got to the point where I was working out daily. Last but not least I had aim when it came to my spirituality I knew that I was working towards becoming a more peaceful, grounded version of me.
In walks my old friend perfectionism, because I have a desire to do things a certain way and I have this certain set way figured out in my mind, instead of trying to do a little bit of what I want or figuring out another way I throw my hands up in the air and think "well if I can't do it properly then I won't bother doing it at all." I feel stuck in this old mindset and right now I can't see a way out of it. The way I have done things for as long as I can remember is such a deep rooted habit that needs to be broken.
I am fast realising that if I don't figure out a new way to balance my life then this dark hole I am dancing around is going to swallow me right up. Problem is right now it feels like to get in some decent me time as well as look after E I have to go hard and become insanely busy and becoming insanely busy is just as bad for me.
So what to do? Anyone got any ideas? What did other Mum's do? I need some inspiration to get me going and I need to rebuild the way I do things.
I think you need to try and figure out what is you want first so you have a direction.
ReplyDeleteThen start taking the steps to get there.
Also, make sure you are getting time every day to do something that is for YOU and nourishing YOU- whether this is meditation, going for a walk by yourself, cooking (ha!), writing, drawing, playing music, whatever! Just make sure it is all about you. It doesnt need to be heaps of time- half an hour every day can work wonders.
Always here for you to call or chat to too, more than happy to help you nut it out xxx
i love that your aim was to get through your day without killing someone. that's generally my goal too! good luck with it lucy, it's a tough one. i have no personal experience here, and i agree that speeding things up to fit more in can be a slippery slope...i am sure you will find a way though, can't wait to hear what it is xx
ReplyDeleteI think twelve months is a huge milestone...you are not alone when you say you experience a total exhaustion and difficulty in remaining positive...you probably haven't had a full nights sleep for 12 months!! I have been a mum for 8 years and I am still working on letting go of my perfectionist ways...it's not easy...but it will happen. I think you are at a really exciting cross road...a fresh start, a new beginning is just around the corner. Now is the time to think about the things you truly love to do and the direction you see yourself heading. Be kind to yourself, it takes time. It gets easier and less exhausting...I promise.
ReplyDeleteThank you angels you have made me feel much better. Today I am feeling like I am on the up swing which is a relief. Tomorrow I start my 30 day self care blueprint course which will help me to consolidate my life so hopefully I won't feel so scattered. I will be blogging about the difference this course is going to make. I chose the course intuitively I don't even know how I got to the website but I did and I just know for that reason it is exactly what I need right now. I am excited about the new me and hoping that I get that spark of passion which will give me the energy I need and yep you're right mamacino full nights sleeps are few and far between! Wish me luck on my next leg of the journey. Much love x
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to see how you go on the 30 day self care course :-) It sounds like just what you need. Ive just recently read a book by Denise Linn about changing your life in 30 days, and it's based on the elements earth, air, fire, water. Amazing book, loved it, but I didn't do the exercises. Struggling here too! The only thing that works is going with what makes your heart sing and making sure it has a part in your life xx
ReplyDelete