Quiet as a mouse

Gorgeous souls! I  just wanted to give you a quick update and let you know why I have been so quiet. We are in the process of selling our house as some of you already know and its really taking up my whole life in all three aspects, physically, mentally and spiritually. Keeping a house immaculate for open homes whilst you have a 14 month old is a challenge in itself. Then there is the feeling of having strangers trawling through your house picking it apart. Finally the underlying tension that resides in your belly from waiting for an outcome which effects your everyday life. 

I have to say it has also affected my relationship with C. We seem to be snapping at each other more and not really connecting as much as we usually would because there is a big fat pink elephant in the room. To say I'm tired is an understatement. It's nothing I can't handle but it is pushing me. 

I will probably stay pretty quiet until the house sells. It feels right now like there is a lot of trapped energy which will finally be released when we sell and then my inspiration will flow again. I hope it happens sooner rather then later as I miss being in that head space. I really miss tuning in to my yogimama alter ego and letting the love flow but I never want to force that side of me as it needs to come from a place of purity. Hope all is well in everyone's world. 

This week

Things that have inspired me this week:

Yoga session where I had many realisations, including the understanding of how can I ask my students to practice non violence when I am not practicing it myself? and the realisation that I am a completely different person now on the mat to what I was pre baby. I am not as strong physically but my metal state is so much healthier. I feel like I am now 'getting' it more often and that my practice previously was more ego based then I realised at the time. I also realised that I will never be obsessed with the physical form of yoga while I love how it makes me feel and know that it is critical for my wellbeing I will always be into the higher forms of yoga such as self inquiry, growth and the path to enlightenment.  

As always watching my boy grow and change. Particularly all the walking he is now doing. My heart swells with pride when I see my darling walking around and when he falls picking himself back up again and starting all over. New words that he masters as well fill me with joy. Lately his favourites are 'Daddy' and 'Bye Bye.'

Meditation practice. Getting back into it has been wonderful. I am realising after a long break that I am just happier when I have a regular practice. My moods are regulated and I am more likely to experience love, joy and peace. 

Friends; been getting back into a social life and truly enjoying the warmth and connection I feel from those in my life. I have attracted these people into my life for a reason, they resonate with me on a soul level and it feels good to reconnect. Blossoming new friendships are also inspiring me as they change my take on things and give me an alternate view.   

Believing in what I say

The other day on a walk with a friend I referred to my spiritual practice and beliefs as drivel! Thankfully she pulled me up on it and told me its not. Later upon reflection of this conversation I realised that I am self conscious of what I believe in. It seems a very different thing to sit passively in front of a computer screen typing up my learnings to saying them out loud. When I write things it is to an invisible audience, I don't really get much feedback except seeing the numbers of people reading my posts and the occasional comment so I feel much safer and able to reach out of my comfort zone. Certainly blogging has been an incredible stepping stone for me to start voicing what I believe in but the conversation the other day has indicated to me that I need to start believeing in myself some more and to be brave and take the plunge and say it out loud to a real human who can talk back to me in verbal and non verbal ways.

I have been mulling over why I feel self conscious and I think its because a lot of what I teach is left of field. I know it resonates with people from the feedback I have received but I also know it doesn't resonate with everyone and I guess I am scared of what others might think! This is a new feeling for me I am not usually one to hold back on my viewpoint, I am content most of the time to say you can love me or leave me but yogimama is different. Yogimama is not just a blog or a group of people, it is my heart, it is my soul and it reflects some of the deepest parts of my being. I am protective of it because it is fragile, there is a reason this stuff is deep and that is because i care about it a lot.

I do realise though that in order to take my teachings and self discovery to the next level i need to break out of the comfort zone, I need to be brave and shout out what I am passionate about to the world, I need to throw caution to the wind and leap. I need to be brave. Eep! So wish me luck fellow travellers and stay tuned for the next level. I hope you will join me. I will leave you with a Mark Twain quote which is very appropriate for this situation:

Kahil Gibran on children

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Kahlil Gibran (1883 - 1931)

Buddhist prayer

By the power and truth of this practice:
May all beings have happiness and the cause of happiness
May all beings be free from sorrow and the causes of sorrow
May all never be separated from the sacred happiness which is sorrow less
And may all live in equanimity with out too much attachment and too much aversion
And live believing in the equality of all that lives.

-The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

My vision board

The vision board exercise was great fun, I felt so peaceful consolidating all my hopes, dreams and inspiration in one spot. There are two schools of thought when it comes to vision boards, you either put it somewhere obvious so you will look at it every day or you just get rid of it, release it into the hands of the gods. I was contemplating what to do with mine when of course the universe made the decision for me...................

I had left it out over night on our front verandah. That night while hubby and I were sleeping we were woken by a noise out the front of the house hubby said it was just a possum and we went back to sleep. The next day I went out to check my vision board and lo and behold the possum had weed on it!! I didn't know what to feel! I had poured my heart and soul into this thing and now an animal had peed on it. HA! About 5 minutes after this discovery I started to laugh about it I felt like it was a message to tell me not to take myself too seriously and also realised the decision had been made. Clearly the vision board needed to be released. I decided on a burning ceremony. Following are photos documenting it all! First one is the vision board complete with possum pee and then photos of it being burnt.

  


Love to you all
L xox