Drained

Just a quick post to let everyone know why i have been so quiet. My little man has been sick and/or teething for two and a half weeks now and he's not really getting any better so I am utterly drained and honestly have nothing left in me to write!

One thing I am excited about is teaching yoga. Today I start my first one on one lesson with a very special woman in my life. I am honoured to be given the opportunity to teach another and can't wait to take this journey with her. Wish me luck and in the spirit of getting back into things........................

Namaste xox 

My top 5 values

So as you know I am completing the self care course and the past 3 days have been about our own unique set of values. It took me a bit of mulling over and thinking about but i finally narrowed it down to my top 5 which are:

1. Inner Peace
2. Gratitude
3. Intuition
4. Positivity
5. Contentment

The way we worked it out was to look at what we would like to work on the most in our lives. When I read this list it feels warm and fuzzy so I know I'm on the right path. Next up we are starting our personal vision board. I cannot wait for this exercise I have always wanted to do one. I have decided to do it old school on a pin board. Now to go and rustle up some images which inspire me. Pumped!

L xox

Guilt

Guilt seems to be coming up  lot in conversations I have had of late and it got me thinking. I believe I have touched on mother guilt before but it is not an emotion which solely effects mothers. My friend said to me when she feels guilty she feels like she will do anything to get away from it and indeed it is a very uncomfortable feeling. Unfortunately though it exists in our head so to run away from it is a pointless exercise as it will remain and all you have done is push it further within where it will fester and build and come out at a later time. Guilt is cumulative so when you don't acknowledge and clear it it continues to build up. Think of it like plaque build up on your teeth. You need to clean your teeth to remove plaque build up same goes for guilt build up in your mind.

I believe that guilt is a wasted emotion and wasted energy. Its like one of my favourite sayings: "not forgiving is like taking poison expecting the other person to die" just like not forgiving the only thing guilt is harming is yourself and how does that help? It is a negative feeling eating away at you and it really is not a positive experience. The only thing its kind of good for really is to learn something about yourself. It can be a great way to look inside yourself and figure out why you feel guilt about certain things. This way you turn the guilt into something constructive. If you can find the root cause of your guilt you will be able to cleanse yourself from it.

Why do we have so much guilt? Well I believe it is because we expect too much of ourselves. Which is why I think mothers in particular suffer from excessive amount of the guilts. We expect that we can, take care of our kids, keep our house immaculate, go to work to pay for the overpriced house, have a social life, sex life and look good all at the same time. When we don't fulfil all these expectations we feel guilty about something or someone missing out (including ourselves.)

This is also where perfectionism plays a role. Not only do we expect all these things of ourselves but we expect them to be done in a perfect way. Bloody hell I am actually tired just writing all of this down!

Drop the expectations and be kind to yourself. Know that you are doing the best you possibly can each and every moment of everyday and that is enough. You don't need to do anymore than that because just being here means you are special. Live your best life but know that if you mess up or have a bad day/week/month/year that is ok too. If this isn't enough to get rid of the guilt try this yoga pose out to clear that guilt build up.      

If this feels ok release your hands to make it slightly more challenging. To make it harder again slowly straighten your legs but keep your back straight! Every time you feel guilt practice this pose. Think of it as a tool you can call upon anytime to empower you to not feel guilty. 

Sending calm to you all

L xox  

I think I need rehab

24 hours I lasted 24 measly hours away from what I am now referring to as Crackbook! I could give you my excuses and say that I needed to contact a person that I didn't have a phone number for but really I just really missed it! It's such an efficient way to get answers, as a mum many of my connections are through Facebook and I missed my yogimama group which I pour my heart into. So I'm going to make peace with my addiction and know that for the moment it is obviously something I need in my life.

Again I will learn to go with the flow and accept me for me.

Now off to share this on Crackbook ha ha ha.

L xox

Self care plan update

Soooooooo almost halfway into my self care plan course and I have learnt a lot. Here's a summary of what we have been through so far:

Listening to our inner voice telling us what is right and not listening to what external voices or society tells us

Learning to read the signs of what happens when we don't have self care in our lives and how that compares to when we do

Different types of self care: what makes you feel incredible is unique to you and will be entirely different to those around you.

Self love what that looks and feels like

Self compassion what that looks and feels like

The barriers (internal and external) that are getting in the way of practicing self care, self love and self compassion.

Phew! I have felt entirely comfortable with all of it (even blissful) until the last couple of emails which have been about barriers. I have learnt that I am not very good at asking for help it makes me feel squirmy (a technical term.) I have also learnt that I am no where near ready to leave E in care with someone else besides hubby and other family, I understand that this is not a must do when it comes to self care but its something I have figured out. I am now having to take a look at my life and figure out what can be shuffled. I know I need self care especially at the moment as I have not really been enjoying my day to day life but I'm finding it difficult to let go.

I feel such an emotional tug of war. I know when I am practicing self care I feel much more peaceful and content. I have more patience for those around me and have more love to give. So really on an intellectual level I know it benefits everyone when I take care of myself but I have this overriding desire to be there for everything I don't like feeling like I'm missing out. Which leads me to my next dilemna.

A friend recently brought up a term FOMO (fear of missing out) in regard to Facebook, it was said as a joke but it got me thinking. I check Facebook incessantly I feel like its my window to the outside world some days and I always want to see what's happened even if its only been an hour since I last checked (ok half an hour.) I do use Facebook in a positive way. I share inspirational quotes and this blog and try to use it to make the world a better place but is it a waste of time? It does stop me from living in the moment a lot and I have noticed that if I am having a particularly challenging day I check Facebook even more as if I am trying to escape what  going on around me. If I didn't have it what would I do instead? Maybe I would have more time to practice self care if I stopped Facebooking.

What to do? I think I will deactivate my account (yep I just hyperventilated a bit) and will blog about how things have changed since doing it and how it makes me feel. I will look at it as an experiment. How many days? Mmmmmmmm I don't feel like I could even make one day so lets make it 21 days. I have heard that it takes 21 days to establish a new habit so hopefully I can make it. I literally feel so anxious even writing this wow I am addicted!. How will people contact me? How will I know about upcoming social events? OMG so scared but that is exactly why I need to at least try. Not healthy to have something have such a hold on me.

OK I'm going to write my last status update for 21 days letting everyone know what's happening and then deactivate.

See you soon
L xox

Life for sale!

Our house is finally on the market. How does this make me feel? Well a whole lot of mixed emotions really.

This is the house that took care of me while I was pregnant, the house that I brought home my tiny newborn son to. Our first house that we purchased and the house we have poured blood, sweat and tears into. It has witnessed laughter, love, anger, tears, joy, despair. We have cooked many a delicious meal in this house and drunk infinite glasses of tasty wine under its roof. We have added to it subtracted from it and I hope improved its worth. I love this house for all these reasons and more.

I am a homebody. Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm a bit of a hermit. Home is my sanctuary, it is where my comfort lies. I can be totally myself at home, stripped back to who I really am at heart. I can contemplate my feelings, nourish my soul, watch my relationships grow all from the comfort of my own home.

I feel a bit sad to let all of this go but also excited for the next chapter. I know we have made the right decision for our future. No longer will we have the debilitating mortgage hanging over our heads we will be free to live our lives closer to how we want it to be. I think nowadays the housing market is a joke. The price to live in your own home is exorbitant and first home buyers often get trapped in a downward spiral, paying off their house and never quite getting ahead. I'm not one for regrets but if we could do it all over again we would have done it differently. Instead of jumping in to buy a house when we could only scrape in we would save our money instead and wait till we had closer to a 50% deposit.

Chris and I since making some financial mistakes have listened to and started following the advice of Dr John DeMartini. How Can I Accumulate More Money? is a great article to read if you are interested. His whole philosophy works on the idea that it doesn't matter how much money you earn its all about how you manage it. Since following his advice we have completely changed the way we manage our funds and I know once we start again we will be on the road to financial success.

So if you don't hear much from me over the next few weeks you'll know why. I am absolutely exhausted after running around getting the house ready for our open home but it will all be worth it in the end.

Sending love
L xox