Quote from Swami Vivekananda

"You are the greatest book that ever was or ever will be, the infinite depository of all that is. Until the inner teacher opens, all outside teaching is in vain. It must lead to the opening of the book of the heart to have any value"

The illusion of ownership

Last night during a meditation on ego I had an epiphany. The meditation asked us to list mentally all the things we believe we own, this included material, spiritual, emotional and physical things. As I ran through my list I realised that I don't "own" any of it. nothing of it is mine to keep but only something I am a temporary custodian over.

To give you an example, the idea of ownership of land has always been a bazaar concept to me. How can we own a piece of something as powerful as the earth? To actually divide up pieces of the land and assign values to it is bazaar don't you think? The earth is something that has been around for billions of years it is ancient, and powerful who are we to come along and say "I'll take this piece as my own" really it still belongs to mother earth and for lack of a better word we are squatting! Also the things things we fill our houses with and our material possessions also don't belong to us, nothing does because everything is temporary. Everything will eventually decay and die.

In relation to our emotional state we don't own happiness, joy, peace and love, of course can cultivate an environment where these states are more natural but we don't own them. The other side of this is we don't own those uncomfortable emotions either such as anger, frustration, sadness, guilt these are all just temporary states passing through us in a moment in time.

As a believer in reincarnation I also think that we are temporary custodians of our physical body as well, that our soul or true self will pass on to another body in the next lifetime. Our physical body is simply a vessel to carry us through this lifetime.

In terms of being a parent we also don't own our children, they are not possessions or even mini versions of us. They are people in their own right that can be guided, loved and watched over but never really controlled or moulded to be a certain personality. I believe that our children come to this earth with pre destined personality traits and they choose us as parents to teach them the lessons they need to learn for this lifetime. I believe this is why so many people have challenging childhoods or complicated relationships with a parent/s because there are lessons that need to be learned and growing is never a comfortable experience. So we teach our children what they need to know consciously or subconsciously but we don't own their experiences.

So how can we use this knowledge to our advantage? Well it means we don't have to attached to the things in our life and with less attachment comes less pain. We don't have to get caught up in the things that can cause us angst, all the things you think you are missing out on that you could 'own' don't matter as much because you will never truly own them anyway. We don't have to get frustrated and feel like we are in a power struggle with our children when they won't do what we want them to do. Instead we can just respect that their path is different to ours and try to be facilitators in their lives rather than dictators which I think is a lot more fun. Our bodies become something we want to take care of like a well oiled machine because we know that it won't be around forever and our emotions become passing temporary states rather than something we have to get caught up in and upset by. I find this very liberating and freeing it means I can really let go. So enjoy the things that you have in this life but keep in mind it is never possible to truly own any of it.

Hope this gave you a feeling of peace as it did me,

L x

Inspiration

The other day I saw something that made me smile and made me realise that we can all enjoy whatever we do in our day to day lives no matter what. It's all just a matter of perspective.

We were grocery shopping and there was a man working there pushing trolleys, he was bursting with happy energy. He was literally bouncing with joy. Now from what I know pushing trolleys is an occupation that is commonly looked down upon, poorly paid and hard work not to mention boring. Not for this man. He was truly grateful and proud of what he was doing. I was blown away. How could this man be so happy doing the work he was doing? There was a busker playing some tunes and the trolley guy was happily singing along to the music (the wrong lyrics) and making everyone laugh, he was talking to the children and whistling as he worked. WOW.

Now I am someone who comes from a priviledged background and I am ashamed to say I have often looked at this occupation as a job for the riff raff  or the pimply teen trying to make a few bucks. This man was anything but. I was watching him thinking I want a piece of that gratitude and love. Was such a gift to catch a glimpse of this man's inner world.

So what can we learn from him? We can learn to see the beauty in everyday mundane tasks, we can see the fun in EVERYTHING that we do, and we can realise that we are priviledged to be living and breathing and purely existing in this world. We can also remember to not take ourselves too seriously. I often take myself too seriously and forget to take a step back and laugh at what is going on in the moment. Being a Mum means that I have so many opportunities to practice what I preach.  I will choose to do so everyday.

Today is a glorious day in Brisbane :-)

Sending you peace, love and joy

L xox

Don't worry be happy

Gaining inspiration yet again from "Buddhism for Mothers" by Sarah Napthali I have decided to write about worry and how to reduce it from our lives. I know I worry way too much and it's something I'm trying to reduce in my daily life.

The costs of worrying are endless they are both physical and mental. High blood pressure, heart problems, stomach ulcers and breathing difficulties are some of the known physical effects of worry. Worry weighs down our minds and stops us from working to our full potential it interrupts our sleep and wears away at our well being. It shortens our fuse and changes the way we would normally react. We need to stop and think about what is going on underneath when we worry. Try and figure out what is behind the mental loop we get ourselves in.

My parents are deeply entrenched worriers and for as long as I can remember there was always something to be stressed about. Because of this tendency to worry all the time it put me off (and still does) telling them things that go on in my life. Especially stressful things, because to tell then anything stressful actually makes the situation worse, not only do I have the problem I'm dealing with but I also have the burden of knowing I have added to their worrying ways! They miss out on chunks of my life and when I think about my son I know I want him to be able to tell me anything and I don't want to miss out on his life so I need to do something about this old habit and quick smart.

Buddhism to the rescue again! When it comes to my boy I find myself worrying about all sorts of irrational things but from reading this book book I have realised that suffering is a part of life and therefore is an inevitable part of my child's life. While I will do my best to make his life as happy as I can I am now going to accept that sometimes there is little I can do. Sometimes he is going to suffer no matter what and by saying things like "my child should always be happy" I am actually making things worse by putting a whole load of pressure on myself. Often suffering and disappointment lead to our most powerful lessons and E will benefit greatly from these lessons and while it might be painful at the time it will pass and we will both be stronger, better people for it. Children also need to learn to deal with life's failures and challenges and I would rather he did it while I'm around to comfort him then when he has flown the nest.

So think about what your stubborn demands might be. Are they as I said above? An unrealistic expectation that our child's life must be happy. Or is it something else such as "my house must always be immaculate?" or "we need lots of money to be happy" all of us have ingrained worries that bug us in our daily lives. Sit down and think about what gives you the most angst and write it down. Then try to convert it into preferences rather than demands. So instead of; my child must excel academically you could say it would be nice if my child excelled academically but it won't kill us if he doesn't. Slowly weed out all the little niggling thoughts that wear away at your heart, soul, mind and body and try to convert them into something more productive. I'll be right there with you. Just remember the worry is generally worse than the reality itself.

So to sum up this is what we can do about worry:

• Realise the need to manage the worrying mind so that it doesn't affect our children.
• Remember that the more you worry, the more you worry. Every thought has a karmic effect.
• Consider writing as a way to consciously explore and manage your worries.
• Accept some suffering as a natural part of life, realising that aversion or battling against the suffering can be more painful than the suffering itself.
• Watch your thoughts and notice when they are snowballing or distorting.
• Identify any unhelpful beliefs, such as 'My child must not suffer.'
• Become aware of your unconscious demands and try to convert them to preferences.
• Meditate.
• Explore your worries using mindful investigation, observing whatever comes up and remaining open to new directions.  

Big list I know but even if you practiced just one of these ideas I believe it would make a huge difference to your life.

Until next time!

L xx

Top 5 regrets of the dying

I read this a while ago and it really got me thinking. This is such precious advice received from those who have passed away and I feel deep gratitude for being able to learn from it.

I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life expected of me by others. This was the most common lament – that so many had been bound up in a falsely constructed sense of self, made up of family expectations, self-limitations, pressures and conventions so constraining that one’s true voice could be barely be heard above the din of others’ requirements. It is a bitterly sad lament. And the first mention of something so rarely discussed: that it takes real ‘‘courage’’ to live life well.

I wish I didn’t work so hard. So the cliché is true: nobody ever said on their deathbed they wish they’d spent more time at the office. But you knew that already, didn’t you, and deep down you’ve known that for a while now. But will you have the guts to turn off the computer and go home to those who love you? Now?

I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. For those of us who will emote and recount and expand and enlarge on our feelings at the slightest provocation, this one comes as a surprise: you mean there are people who can’t? What a psychological prison this must be. Many years ago, a rather worldly fellow who had feelings for me that I did not return, affectionately admonished me for disdaining him, telling me that I might not feel the same way, but I could not deny him the reality and the dignity of his feelings for me. I felt so small: feelings were not weaknesses, they required courage, optimism and respect.

I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. The greatest fear of all – a lonely death. Those friends are but a phone call away; it is extraordinary how shared history and experiences can remake connections so quickly. And there is nothing to be lost in attempting to do so.

I wish that I had let myself be happier. It is the most overwhelming revelation to recognise that happiness is not a random fortune capriciously gifted to some and not others, but is within the grasp of almost anyone. Even those I know who struggle with mental illness and depression know that happiness can be a choice, that pleasure can be taken at will. And that is what this confronting list confirms for me – that the challenge of living well in this world, and growing into the adult you want to be, consists of being able to answer that question: what do I really want?

Original Link: http://inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

Bio: Bronnie Ware is a writer and songwriter from Australia who spent
several years caring for dying people in their homes. She has recently
released a full-length book titled 'The Top Five Regrets of the Dying -
A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing'. It is a memoir of her own
life and how it was transformed through the regrets of the dying people
she cared for. For more information, please visit Bronnie's official
website at www.bronnieware.com or her blog at
www.inspirationandchai.com.

Thought for the day

In every moment of my existence I have the opportunity to practice my spirituality.

The Tortoise and the Hare

I was contemplating my next blog post last night and settled on the idea that I wanted to talk about the ego and our heart centre and the idea came to me that the story of the tortoise and the hare is the perfect way to describe these two contrasting factors within us all.

So like the hare the ego is pumped up, arrogant, loud, and obnoxious he says he can do anything better than anyone else and is not afraid to let everyone know. The hare brags about how fast he is and also relentlessly teases the tortoise for being so slow. Eventually the tortoise gets sick of the hare's behaviour and challenges him to a race. There are many versions of the story but it ends up that the hare is so cocky and arrogant that he lazes around while the tortoise slowly but surely makes his way through the course and ends up winning. Our true self is like the tortoise, unassuming, peaceful, full of self love and confidence but not cocky. We know that we will finish the race in our own time and we don't need to boast about how good we are at things or put others down. We approach everything with love. We also don't need to prove ourselves to anyone else. Unfortunately the ego can take over and we do need to stand up to it and challenge it to, once you face up to your ego I promise you your true loving self will win.

Why? because light always betters dark and and by shedding light on your dark emotions we can dissolve them. This however is not always as easy as it sounds the ego is tricky and clever and has many ways of disguising itself. It will throw anxiety, depression, anger, possessiveness and pretty much every other destructive emotion at you in order to preserve itself. Many of us are also addicted to our egoic self, I find this most often takes the form of drama.

You know what I mean the drama we all have in our lives and the lives of those surrounding us and even though it always ends up making us feel empty we often can't help getting sucked in. Even if you don't have drama in your personal life you can easily access it through the media and celebrity gossip websites. I call it drama glue, which I first heard being said by "Kurek Ashley." Drama glue is pretty much exactly what it sounds like it sticks to us and is really hard to get off once we buy into it. It just hangs around. So whenever you feel yourself getting sucked into the drama vortex just take a moment to separate your emotions. Sure its fine to listen to it just don't take it in or emotionally invest in it. Let it wash over you like a wave. That way you don't get that sick felling in your gut. 

Our heart energy is fueled by loving emotions, belief in oneself,  serving others, unconditional love, withholding judgement of others, cultivating good karma. Basically the more we practice utilising positive emotions the stronger our heart energy grows and the stronger our heart energy grows the weaker our ego becomes. This is also beneficial to the whole world as the more positive energy we project the more positive the world becomes. Its win win for everyone! 

So this week before you buy into that drama or judge that other person for doing something that you wouldn't normally do just take a breath and separate yourself from the negative energy. Every gap that you create means that the light can filter in more and more and more. Then we really don't have any more dark shadows to fight and the light fills us all :-)

Finally I want to share a poem that filled me with light today

The Sun Never Says
Even
after
all this time
the sun never says to the earth,
"You owe me"
Look
what happens with a love like that-
it lights up the whole world.



L xox